Self-Love

I was on my way to the gym after work today and this song started to play. I <3 Adele. I'm drawn to soulful music like a moth to a flame. This song, "Make You Feel My Love" conveyed exactly what I was feeling at that moment. My boyfriend is moving here in 11 days and I'm excited and scared at the same time. But I truly do believe it is a step in the right direction.

After my workout, I cooked myself a not so healthy dinner and picked some random show on Netflix. I chose a show called "Heavy". Anyways, this 26-year old girl loses 95 lbs in 3 months. She partied 5 days a week, smoked and weighed more than I did. I was glued to the show because it made me remember that feeling. I used to be that girl. Haha. But more in the sense of having her drive and motivation. I admired her will to take herself out of the party scene and put her own self first. She said that her goal was that she wanted feel proud of herself when she looked in the mirror every morning.

I lost my will. Myself. I became engulfed in vanity and the idea of perfection. But we are all unique and different. I may not understand why physically I can't look how I want to but I gotta deal with what I got. Although, I wasn't satisfied with my results at 190 lbs, I felt a whole lot better than I do now. My main goal is to stop these food binges. I have quit smoking for about 4 weeks now so that's a start. But am having trouble with alcohol on the weekends. But I am confident I can get that under control as long as I keep myself busy.

I really do want to become someone who is respected.

Yeah, yeah. I've been saying that I'll change since the year started. I guess actions will speak louder than words. I will get everything under control. I need to get things under control. But first and foremost, I need to work on self-love. And loving myself and thinking myself as worthy. This is where the root of my weight problem really lies. Within myself. So I'm gonna seek some help on this one since I now have the necessary tools aka health insurance. :P

I'm ready!

So when I get up tomorrow and look at myself in the mirror in the morning, I will look beyond my physical appearance and think of one thing I like about myself. :)