Turn of the tide...

A year ago, I weighed about 190 lbs. This year I weigh about 230 lbs. That is a difference of 40 lbs. I confess that my problem with weight gain started around New Years of 2011. I knowingly went off my strict eating regimen of healthy foods. I started to eat fast food once again. I ate fatty desserts. I started to consume whatever I wanted to eat. Why? I knowingly knew what the answer was but I still kept with the destructive cycle.

Part of the problem was the fact that I did not get what I wanted once I reached the end of my journey. I wanted more and wouldn't settle for less. And because the problem was physical and out of my control, I stopped being motivated. I started coping with my weight issue with food. My excuse for eating was why continue with something if there is no benefit in the end. Also, the stress of a new relationship also added to my problems. My new lifestyle, change in location, living with my partner and changes to my daily routine all contributed to my issue. Day by day, I gradually gained 1 lbs or 2 lbs. I noticed the change in my clothes but I made excuses like, "Oh. Well maybe I'm not the skinny type. This is my true body type." My alter ego told me, "You can eat whatever you want because other people can. Why should you suffer?" So I gave into these lies and excuses. I ate and ate. I still exercised but I was eating more calories than I was burning. I allowed alcohol back into my life. Bad choice. Moderation is key in this area. This year hasn't been the best for me but I intend to turn things around. My weight gain is also affecting my partner as well because I do the cooking and poor thing is gaining weight too. :P

I've said this before. I will turn things around. But I will let my actions speak more loudly than my words. I have the will-power and need to reignite my motivation. I believe this month will truly change my life for the better in all aspects of my life including my relationship, my physical well-being, and finances. I am trying to think positive thoughts. I am trying to get back into my routine. But most importantly, I am trying to eat healthy once more and talk myself out of eating all that junk food. I ate so much yesterday because I wanted myself to feel better, but in the end food made me feel worse. It failed me. I failed myself. I am tired of feeling this way. Even though it was tough last year, I did enjoy the benefits of weight loss. I did look and feel better than I do at this moment. But today is a new day with no mistakes in it and I am determined to go out with a bang in 2011. And start 2012 anew. Because I am not the old Will and I will not become him once again.

One big flaw for me is worrying about what other people think of me. I try to blend in and not be noticed. I don't like being different but I realize that I am different and unique. I also often sabotage myself for success because again, I don't want to be in the spotlight. Well it's time for me to shine. And if people have negative things to say then it is there own problem. I must focus my energy positively toward my own well-being. Although, I find my therapist's advice funny, it does have some truth to it. She said... "We must all beat to our own drum and remember that it is up to us to write our own story." :)