Will's Weightloss Journey

Turn of the tide...

2011-11-28T11:05:00.003-07:00

A year ago, I weighed about 190 lbs. This year I weigh about 230 lbs. That is a difference of 40 lbs. I confess that my problem with weight gain started around New Years of 2011. I knowingly went off my strict eating regimen of healthy foods. I started to eat fast food once again. I ate fatty desserts. I started to consume whatever I wanted to eat. Why? I knowingly knew what the answer was but I still kept with the destructive cycle.

Part of the problem was the fact that I did not get what I wanted once I reached the end of my journey. I wanted more and wouldn't settle for less. And because the problem was physical and out of my control, I stopped being motivated. I started coping with my weight issue with food. My excuse for eating was why continue with something if there is no benefit in the end. Also, the stress of a new relationship also added to my problems. My new lifestyle, change in location, living with my partner and changes to my daily routine all contributed to my issue. Day by day, I gradually gained 1 lbs or 2 lbs. I noticed the change in my clothes but I made excuses like, "Oh. Well maybe I'm not the skinny type. This is my true body type." My alter ego told me, "You can eat whatever you want because other people can. Why should you suffer?" So I gave into these lies and excuses. I ate and ate. I still exercised but I was eating more calories than I was burning. I allowed alcohol back into my life. Bad choice. Moderation is key in this area. This year hasn't been the best for me but I intend to turn things around. My weight gain is also affecting my partner as well because I do the cooking and poor thing is gaining weight too. :P

I've said this before. I will turn things around. But I will let my actions speak more loudly than my words. I have the will-power and need to reignite my motivation. I believe this month will truly change my life for the better in all aspects of my life including my relationship, my physical well-being, and finances. I am trying to think positive thoughts. I am trying to get back into my routine. But most importantly, I am trying to eat healthy once more and talk myself out of eating all that junk food. I ate so much yesterday because I wanted myself to feel better, but in the end food made me feel worse. It failed me. I failed myself. I am tired of feeling this way. Even though it was tough last year, I did enjoy the benefits of weight loss. I did look and feel better than I do at this moment. But today is a new day with no mistakes in it and I am determined to go out with a bang in 2011. And start 2012 anew. Because I am not the old Will and I will not become him once again.

One big flaw for me is worrying about what other people think of me. I try to blend in and not be noticed. I don't like being different but I realize that I am different and unique. I also often sabotage myself for success because again, I don't want to be in the spotlight. Well it's time for me to shine. And if people have negative things to say then it is there own problem. I must focus my energy positively toward my own well-being. Although, I find my therapist's advice funny, it does have some truth to it. She said... "We must all beat to our own drum and remember that it is up to us to write our own story." :)

Self-Love

2011-08-23T21:36:00.002-06:00

I was on my way to the gym after work today and this song started to play. I <3 Adele. I'm drawn to soulful music like a moth to a flame. This song, "Make You Feel My Love" conveyed exactly what I was feeling at that moment. My boyfriend is moving here in 11 days and I'm excited and scared at the same time. But I truly do believe it is a step in the right direction.

After my workout, I cooked myself a not so healthy dinner and picked some random show on Netflix. I chose a show called "Heavy". Anyways, this 26-year old girl loses 95 lbs in 3 months. She partied 5 days a week, smoked and weighed more than I did. I was glued to the show because it made me remember that feeling. I used to be that girl. Haha. But more in the sense of having her drive and motivation. I admired her will to take herself out of the party scene and put her own self first. She said that her goal was that she wanted feel proud of herself when she looked in the mirror every morning.

I lost my will. Myself. I became engulfed in vanity and the idea of perfection. But we are all unique and different. I may not understand why physically I can't look how I want to but I gotta deal with what I got. Although, I wasn't satisfied with my results at 190 lbs, I felt a whole lot better than I do now. My main goal is to stop these food binges. I have quit smoking for about 4 weeks now so that's a start. But am having trouble with alcohol on the weekends. But I am confident I can get that under control as long as I keep myself busy.

I really do want to become someone who is respected.

Yeah, yeah. I've been saying that I'll change since the year started. I guess actions will speak louder than words. I will get everything under control. I need to get things under control. But first and foremost, I need to work on self-love. And loving myself and thinking myself as worthy. This is where the root of my weight problem really lies. Within myself. So I'm gonna seek some help on this one since I now have the necessary tools aka health insurance. :P

I'm ready!

So when I get up tomorrow and look at myself in the mirror in the morning, I will look beyond my physical appearance and think of one thing I like about myself. :)

No bueno

2011-07-18T22:13:00.002-06:00

Update: Still no progress. I can seem to turn things around. It feels like I'm caught in some quicksand and can't do anything about it. I know what the problem is but it's so hard to do the right thing. But I'm not giving up...

Turning things around

2011-06-25T14:59:00.007-06:00

I currently weigh 220 lbs. :( I said that I would never ever go back to who I was before but it seems that I am. The problem is not exercise but my diet. I choose to eat this food that is bad for me. I am still spiraling out of control and do not like where this is going. I am my own savior at this point but I have my doubts. This all started in January when I decided to start celebrate New Years with drinking. And I haven't stopped since then until a week ago. But during this time, I met someone. I am truly in love with this guy and I am scared as to where this is headed. But more scared of the unknown.

This is how bad my eating habits have gotten. Just now I polished off a whole entire package of chocolate chip cookies. Why? Because it was there. Ugh. I should've just had a V8. If I can get my cravings and eating habits under control then I will be back to where I was in 2-3 months. But why am I eating so much bad food? IDK. Anyways, I've decided to start on Monday. Why Monday? Because I'm weird like that. I wouldn't start in the middle or end of the week. My plan is to go on a 10-week haitus or strict boot camp if you will. This is not me. This is not who I want to be. And I am gonna do something about it.

I feel like this is my last chance to turn this ship around before I lose complete control like Amy Winehouse. I am mad at myself for being so weak and helpless. All for vanity. I know WHAT the root of my problem is... my self-hatred of my physical self. I hate that I have all this extra upper body fat that is only correctable by surgery. Damn these genetics! Even at my skinniest where I didn't look well, I still couldn't get rid of this problem area. This is what kicked me into a depression and drinking spiral. But I am ready to turn things around because my baby is coming to live with me here in Austin, TX. He is arriving the first week of September. But I think the saddest part of it all is that it seems that I am the only one who sees my own physical flaws. Other people don't seem to mind. Other people meaning my friends. And why should they? Also my boyfriend said he loves me and doesn't care about my appearance and weight. But this is important to me.

Oh. Did I also mentioned I moved to Austin, TX and got me a new job here. I love Austin BTW. It's awesome! :)

Drifting Away

2011-02-01T08:21:00.003-07:00

I don't know what is wrong with me these past few days. It feels like I am spiraling out of control. I am eating whatever I want and I don't care. I haven't exercised in the past two days and I don't care. I feel my body gaining some weight back and I still don't care. My marathon is at the end of March and I just don't care. All of my senses are telling me that I should get back into the grind but I still don't care.

Maybe it's this cold weather and my poor choices as of late. Maybe I am in some type of depression... This isn't me. Who am I?

Whatever it is, I hope I overcome it soon... But for now, I just don't care!

Tuesday Run

2011-01-27T13:52:00.008-07:00

My legs and thighs are pretty sore today and for good reason. The above pic is the feedback from my Nike+GPS app on my iPhone. It is pretty acurate as you can see. I ran 17 miles on Tuesday and thought it was going to be another regular afternoon jog. But oh no, on my way back from the halfway point at 14 miles, my body was telling me to stop. I couldn't though because I still needed to make it back to my vehicle to go home, but somehow I made it back to where I started. :)

One thing I did not expect was the emotions I experienced during my drive home. I began to breakdown. I think it's because I was filled with so much accomplishment. I started reminiscing about how far I have come since the days when I couldn't even run one lap. I was instantly filled with all these intense emotions and it was truly overwhelming for me since I am not an emotional person to begin with. :'( Haha.

As you can see in the above pic, my run was pretty far. And this is about 8 miles less than a marathon! Holy moly, it's gonna be a long run! I don't know how I feel about my upcoming runs. Haha. But as always, I'm up for the challenge. I just hope my body can handle it and I come out glorious in the end.

This pic shows where I turned around. It was a beautiful, crisp chill day. :)

My workouts are coming along. I am keeping with it, but as usual I am having trouble with my eating habits. I feel myself splurging more and not being as restrictive as I should be on my diet. I don't know what is up with this feeling lately. I think it's because I feel helpless in my physical situation. But meh, I'm trying not to think about this as much. But other than that, I feel great. :)

Weekend Glitches

2011-01-10T07:54:00.010-07:00

Above is a pic from the course I run here in Albuquerque.

I got sick over this weekend with a cold which includes congestion and a sore throat. So on Saturday, I thought I'd make chicken soup so I went to the store to get ingredients and came across some french bread so I also decided to make make sandwiches for lunch. Low and behold, I end up eating the entire french bread and also a dozen chocolate chip cookies which were only $2. :S I have no self control. I think the best option for me is to not buy these things at the store and tell myself, no. I knowingly knew I was doing something wrong and I still did it? Why? Haha.

So after this I get up on Sunday feeling worst than Saturday, I decide to do my long run of 10 miles. Woohoo! But afterwards my brother invites me to his barbeque and once again, I overeat! I had some steak, hot dogs, baked potatoes and corn chips with dip. Oh and for dessert, cake. Who doesn't like cake. I have like three slices though. I think my brother and cousin's hospitality contributed to this because they kept saying. Do you want some of this? Have some more. There is plenty. The Navajo way of treating your guests. Culturally, I don't want to offend so I can't say no. But next time, I'm sure they would understand if I do decline. But I still kept on eating and eating. Why? Haha.

Life is a learning process and one thing I did notice while gorging is that one distint moment when my body told me. "Stop, I'm full." I remember this feeling which I honestly never noticed before. But I kept on eating. Had I stopped at that moment, everything would've been fine. So my goal for next weekend is to stay on track and to listen to my body if I find myself in the same situation. But the thing is, I don't feel really guilty or bad as I did during previous situations. Maybe it's because I find myself doing this often and I do recover but with time. The problem is that time is luxury I don't have since March is just around the corner.

So the lesson is to practice more self-control and listen to your mind and body! It's harder than it seems.

It's all about 2011!

2011-01-05T17:03:00.014-07:00

On 1/3/11, I weighed in at 194 lbs. :) Not bad taking into consideration the whole holiday festivities. The above pic shows how far I have gotten since I started.

It is 2011 and I am ready to start putting my workout routine into overdrive. Enough with the excuses! I'm ready to get things done myself. Yes, I do have physical issues which are out of my control but that doesn't mean I can try my hardest to get into the best shape of my life. I feel that now is the time to finish what I started. I believe I am ready to put my best step forward. Also my birthday is during the first part of March which is about 90 days away. I'm going to be 30 years old! XXX! I plan on celebrating it in Las Vegas! :)

On a more personal note, I really want to find that special guy this year. I have finally completed my task of coming out to all my nuclear family members and it feels good to be liberated. No more worrying about keeping a secret. I am who I am and I'm proud of me. So now, I can focus on being the best that I can be. Even though I'm not perfect, I am a nice, goal-oriented, successful individual. :) I know there is someone out there for me. I just gotta wait until the right time but for now I will focus on transforming myself into a better person. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. And spiritually.

This isn't going to be an easy task. I know it will involve effort, energy, sacrifice and strife. All of which, I know I can handle.

Well here it goes! Day 3! Keep working out and living healthy! :) If I can do it, so can ya'll. And just so ya know. This isn't a resolution. It's an ongoing improvement upon my current lifestyle.

Cosmetic Surgery

2010-11-09T15:48:00.004-07:00

I have been scheduling consultations with a couple of plastic surgeons because I do have some physical issues with my stomach and chest. This condition is preventing me from doing the simpliest things such as going swimming with my neices at their pool parties. :( This has been an issue for as long as I can remember. I also wanted a professional opinion on whether or not I would ever be able to lose this last bit of weight so I can have a flat stomach. So basically, since I have been overweight for so long and have lost so much weight, the only way to have a flat stomach is to undergo surgery. This procedure is known as Abdominoplasty. :) The three quotes I was given are $10,782.25, $9.523.54 and $6,500. Pretty expensive. For me, anyways. :( So that is where I am at right now. I am trying to save some money for this procedure. I will also need an additional procedure as well for my chest area and that is another story. But for now, I'm focusing on this.

Okay, now back to reality! This weekend was a total disaster for me. Disaster as in making wrong food choices. I used a friend's visit as an excuse to dive back into my old habits. This is really an eye opener for me because one slip up can turn all my hard work around. I found myself eating three bags of candy within the past two days. But why? I thought about this long and hard. The only explanation I have goes back to my weightloss procedure I mentioned earlier. It is something I want now and I know that I will have to wait. Another contributing factor is the response to the question I asked each doctor. "So I can do as much exercise and cardio as I possibly can and I won't have a flat stomach?" To which they all responded. "Yes, this is only correctable by surgery." :( So my thinking right now is... what's the point of all this exercise? What's the point of maintaining if it isn't going to change anything. I know I will be healthy but I have yet to see the results of all my hard work and sacrifice...

Don't get me wrong. I love working out and I enjoy lifting weights and running. It's just that I really want to start an intimate relationship, but this extra skin and fat is holding me back. I believe that I will not be totally comfortable with myself until I can look in the mirror when I get out of the shower and honestly tell myself. You look good! But instead, I'm literally disgusted with what I see. Not as myself as a person, but my physical appearance. I know that person is not who I am. I know who I am. Isn't a mirror supposed to show who you are and that is not who I am. :( I don't expect any sympathy. And I am tired of people telling me about inner beauty and what not. They don't know how it is to be in my situation. :\ I'm just being honest about how I truly feel about myself. I know beauty is only skin deep but why can't I just be another average joe who can do something as simple as walking around without a shirt on or wearing a tight t-shirt... I believe this physical part of my body is holding me back from happiness. Can you put a price on happiness? There should be a way I can claim this on my insurance based upon mental reasons. Haha. Cuz it's driving me crazy! O_o

All in due time! I just gotta raise the funds. Any suggestions on how I can get there quicker? :P Until next time! :) Keep working out and here's to a heathly lifestyle. I'm definately gonna take control of this candy-fest and have a good workout tonight! :) Life is a rollercoaster ride and this is just another part of the ride.

Half-Marathon Completed! (13.1 miles)

2010-10-18T14:19:00.011-06:00

I successfully finished my first half-marathon yesterday! My results are shown in the picture above. This is surreal because 13 weeks ago when my trainer asked me if I wanted to participate, my first thought was, "Yeah right! Me? 13 miles. You're crazy!" But now that I look back on it, I'm glad I made the commitment. It made me kick my smoking and drinking habit and transformed me into a better version of myself. I have finally found the right path. Although, I still have physical issues with my body, I am happy. :) My goal now is to become fit and finish my journey. I really want to see how much more fat I can lose before I go through with surgery. I feel super-charged and ready to accomplish anything.

This has also fueled my self-confidence. I feel like I am getting to the point where I'm ready to find that special someone. I'm a nerd by nature, so I need to prepare in advance. I just can't do something impromtu because that ain't me. I have to plan ahead. Haha. So my self-improvement process is me getting myself prepared for the dating pool. I don't want to put a product out there which hasn't been fulled tested and debugged. :) I want to ensure quality so the consumer is satisfied. But I am almost there and I know time is ticking. I just hope I can find the right guy.

The pic above is of my trainer, Lara Locatello, and I. She is the one who has been helping me with these last few lbs of weight. Although, it may be physically impossible for me to burn my belly and chest fat, I want to continue my journey of fitness. :) I'm glad my sister introduced me to her and I'm also glad I took a chance on her. I feel I have gained more strength and improved my fitness level. So if you're in the Albuquerque area, I totally recommend her. Here is her website http://www.fittogetherabq.com/. I can't wait to see what the next month or two will hold for me under her guidance. ;) Her next challenge for me is to do the Las Cruces Half-Marathon in December. I certainly am willing to participate in this as well. http://www.usrahm.com/Events/lascruces/Homepage.htm I hope to beat my old time and do better in this event. It will be fun!

My cousin wrote me on Facebook saying that she saw me on the news and sure enough. That's me on the right hand corner. For 0.01 seconds, I was on tv. Haha. Awesome! :)

Lastly, I just want to say that I didn't think I would get very emotional. But as I was driving home, I was overcome with such emotion. I think my own sense of accomplishment was overwhelming. I was filled with joy and love for myself. I have never looked at myself in a positive light. I have never said to myself. "Good job, Will." But for that moment on the road home, I loved myself for making that choice back in May 2007 for starting a new healthy lifestyle. I loved myself for keeping with my routine. And most of all I loved myself for finishing what I started. I feel that for the first time in my life, I can rely on "Will" to make things happen. I feel that I have finally put me first. I feel that I am becoming the person I want to be. With me cutting out alcohol and cigarettes and taking the time to improve myself, I am becoming an intelligent, motivated individual who can accomplish anything. So if anybody here reads my blog. You can make that change yourself. Work hard and don't think about. Just get it done. Time stops for no man!

Powered by Success followed by minor short-term depression...

2010-10-15T09:41:00.002-06:00

I am feeling awesome. :) All of my running and training comes down to this Sunday. That is when I will run my first half-marathon! Woohoo! I can't wait. :P When I first started, I thought it was out of the question to be running for so long. But two weeks ago I ran 15 miles. So this should be cake.

I am definately losing weight and I feel that I am on the right path to success. But there are times when I feel helpless and angry at my body. I don't know if that makes sense.... But it's because I gained so much weight and am now a smaller person that I have to deal with the fact that I am never gonna be that skinny fit person you see on magazine covers. Or even a normal person who can go swimming at a swimming pool in public. Underneath this remaining fat is the muscle which I have worked so hard for. The problem is getting rid of the fat. I hate to admit it but surgery maybe be my only option. :( It's so dang expensive though....

But for now, I am just riding this wave of success and I am really enjoy my workouts. My trainer is awesome! And I feel fit and in shape. Enough of my ranting. :P TGIF! Have a good day everybody! :)

October 1, 2010

2010-10-01T09:41:00.004-06:00

Today is the start of a new month. I am proud of my progress so far! :) I am feeling stronger and am finally noticing some changes in my body. Gradual changes of course but at least I know all the hard work I've been doing isn't in vain. Above is my latest pic. The first pic was taken right after I started my job here compared with today. I kind of look like that twainese singing sensation Lin Yu Chun! Haha. The shirt I'm wearing in the first pic is made of a really heavy fabric and the one in the second is a stretchy type of fabric so it clings to your body. Although I can still see my troubles areas in the second pic, it doesn't bother me as I thought it would because I know next month I'll post an even better pic. I have never been this confident before in my determination and drive. I run 15 miles this weekend and can't wait! I know it's going to be hard but I know I can do it. My half-marathon run is in 2 weeks as well. :-S I'm nervous and excited about that.

Oh yeah, I met with my trainer a couple of weeks ago and just from cutting out my late night snacks and weekend splurges, I lost 10 lbs! I went from 202 to 192. :) I also lost body fat of course. I also lost some fat in the stomach and chest area. I wonder how I will look at the lower 180s? But I am not concerned right now with how much I weigh but rather how fit I can get. :) I am really getting into weight lifting and exercising. It's a release. It's my vice. I am happy to say I don't miss alcohol or smoking one bit. It has been like 12-13 weeks since I started quitting. I am proud of my self-control in this area and couldn't be happier. Well TGIF. Have a great day ya'll!

Stronger

2010-09-16T11:10:00.003-06:00

A friend told me today. "I need to see ur before and after pic again! I NEED INSPIRATION!!!" Haha. So I did my latest side by side pic using a picture a friend sent me over chat. Wow, I am happy with how I look. People have been telling me that I seem happy. And I am happy. The reason now that I think of it is because I am finally seeing the results of all my hard work. The only thing I had the master was my eating habit. And I truly believe I have that in control. I do not feel cravings for pastries or any bad foods. I am totally fine with what I have to eat. Food is no longer pleasure for me like it used to be. Yes, it would be awesome to go eat some Italian food with pasta and heavy alfredo sauce with breadsticks but in the end it's not worth it to me. I would rather feel good about myself than tryin to fill some void with fatty foods. I also cut out alcohol and cigarettes from my life. Good riddens! I do not miss this at all and without it I feel ever more awesome. And smarter! I am an intelligent guy and I feel smart again. Haha. I am bathin in my own awesomeness right now if you haven't noticed. Can life get any better? Yes it can! :P Because I'm not done yet. I run 14 miles on Saturday and I am so looking forward to accomplishing this feat. Give me any obstacle right now and I will finish it head on! :) Like the soup nazi in Seinfeld would say, "NEXT!"

7 Weeks of Detox

2010-08-30T16:42:00.005-06:00

According to my trainer's schedule, I didn't run this weekend. But next weekend, I run 12 miles. Wow. Never in a million years did I ever think I would be running such distances. But this weekend I ran 3 - 800 meter sprints. And my overall average was 3 minutes and 18 seconds. Not bad! Or so I think. I really don't know if that is a good number. :)

I was having trouble with food lately. So my trainer asked me to give her my daily food log which I started on the 18th. Just by cutting out my late night carbfests, I lost 4 lbs since then. I am down to 199.9 lbs. That sounds a lot better than 200 lbs if you ask me. I am happy with my results. And above is my most recent progress picks. I can't believe I became that guy on the right! Many years, I wasted being this person and I wish I could go back and change it but I can't. So I'm living in the now! :P

Another thing I am anticipating is a consulatation appointment with a plastic surgeon my trainer recommended. I am excited and scared at the same time. I am finally seeking a professional opinion to see whether the way my body currently looks is normal or if it is only correctable by surgery. Honestly, this is my last resort. But it would be awesome to not worry about how a shirt hangs on me or be self-conscious about how a shirt fits. I stay away from bright colors because I can see what is underneath the shirt which is embarrassing to myself. This shouldn't be a problem... I should be happy with all my progress and hard work but truly I am not. Don't get me wrong. I love to workout and challenge myself. I just want to be able to reap the benefits and see my hard earned body underneath this remaining fat or whatever it is...

But other than that. Life is good! ;) 8 more weeks until my half marathon! I'm excited! Truly...

3 Weeks of Detox

2010-08-06T09:31:00.004-06:00

So what has been happening with me? Well, I just got tired of all the partying and de-railing and not making any progress. I totally rebuilt myself by cutting out alcohol and cigarettes and fried foods, except asian cuisine. Haha. I think since Navajos are supposedly decendants of Mongolians, I like Asian food. But so far so good. I am 3 weeks into this new lifestyle. I feel awesome! I'm also training for a half-marathon in October. Right now, I am up to 5 miles and am supposed to run 6 on Saturday. The only weird thing I have to say about this is that I am stuck at 205 lbs. I am lifting more weights and not doing so much cardio. It just scares me because I am gaining weight. Even though some say it's "probably" muscle, I am thinking in back of my mind that I am getting chunkier. Psychologically, it is very hard for me. I guess I will always be the chubby guy I once was since I was him for a majority of my life. I just can't wait until I get out of the shower and look at myself in the mirror and say, "Damn Will, you made it. " :) But in the meantime, I am giving it hell and doing the best I can do. BTW, the pic above I took this morning. That is how I currently look.

On another note, I am reading "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. I have finished Book 1 and am now starting Book 2 - India. Religion and meditation is something I think I can truly incorporate in my life. Not so much religion due to my lifestyle because I haven't found one that truly fits it, but medititation and self-improvement is something I would definately like to be a part of. I have a week to finish the book so I can watch the movie on opening night. :) I also have until November 19, 2010 to finish up my Harry Potter books as well.

Life is good...

Oh and Whitney was spotted at an airport. It looks like she is regaining control of her weight as well. :) I sure hope she tours the US. Speaking of, I am listening to Whitney Houston's Greatest Hits album as I'm writing this entry. :P

Whitney and I

2010-07-01T13:16:00.005-06:00

You know what Whitney Houston and I have in common these days? Weight issues. I love Whitney Houston. I may even be a little more obsessive than others, but she doesn't look to good these days. For me, her weight gain is a call out for HELP. I am worried. But I understand her struggle. She must be going through a lot with her tour and the reaction people are having to her vocal issues. But I still support her and she is awesome in my eyes. If she does end up touring here in the U.S., I am definately gonna go. People are telling me, "Don't go. Her voice isn't what it used to be." But to see her person will complete my fascination with the soul diva. :P Yup, that's my girl.

As for me, I've been working out 5-6 times a week. I have gained like 10 lbs since I last blogged. I increased my protein intake and am really hitting the weights. I don't want to be really beefy, just muscular. I am finding myself in unfamiliar territory and I hate that there are certain areas in my body, specifically the belly and chest, which are trouble spots for me. It seems that all I do doesn't seem to have any effect on these areas. It is fustrating and causing me to sabotage myself with greasy food and pastries. I am fully aware of what I am doing to myself but it's so hard when you're in that moment. I know how I am going to feel about it afterwards. I know the negative consequences of the situation but yet I do it. Why? Anyways, I am not feeling good today. I am wondering why my body is so different than everybody else. Is cosmetic surgery the only option? Is it worth paying about $8,000 to be happy? Enough ranting. Here is my current pic. I like posting these so I can look back and see my progress.

I am not giving up. I won't ever give up, but I'm just expressing my fustrations. I just want to have total confidence in myself and appearance. To be able to swim in the outdoor pool at my apartment complex would be a test that I have reached my goal. Because right now, I wouldn't dare show myself to another person, even if it was someone I was dating... I gotta go. TTYL Void!

Life Changes

2010-04-07T09:40:00.002-06:00

I am happier than I have ever been. I am on track with my weightloss. I have moved up the ladder at work. I luv my job. I am busy and I am going to be going on vacation 9 days.

My self-confidence is improving. I can go to the gym now and do my own workouts without pausing to think of what others may think. Everybody is there to improve their own health and bodies. My trainer is awesome and she is really helping me to build my strength and has given me a routine to follow.

I looked at myself this mornin in the mirror and thought to myself. "Wow, Will. You're getting there. Slowly but surely." The shirts in which I was self-conscious about my flaws are slowly improving. Grey is a color which is very revealing I think and so is bright colors. But I am beginning to explore these a palettes as I feel more and more self-confident in my appearance.

But the only thing I feel is lacking in my life is a relationship. My problem is that I am shy and actually not taking the time to look. I mean sure, I get looks but I don't take the initiative to follow through. Right now, my attitude is that I will just keep doin' what I'm doin' and see what happens. I don't want to sell myself short. I may have high expectations but I'm sure there is someone out there who fits my criteria. Somehow, I think the answer lies in finding a new interaction pool where I start interacting with new crowds. But how and where? I'll have to work on this.

But other than that, I have no complaints. :P Life is good. And I worked damn hard to get where I am at right now.

I have been thinking about this quote, "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude." by Maya Angelou and I don't think she talking about giving up and then changing ur attitude. I think when she says if you can't change it, she is talking about an impossible situation where the solution is not a possiblity. So in this special situation, change your atttude. Just never stop trying.

It has been about 3 years and I'm glad I started my weightloss journey because the determination, self-control and motivation certainly spilled over into other aspects of my life. I can imagine how I would feel right now if it weren't for that one moment where I decided, it's time. I never wanted anything so bad as I do now and it is so close that I can almost taste the success. But in due time.

So now, let's get back to work and make the best of life.

11 days

2010-04-04T23:28:00.002-06:00

Just posting a quick update. I am now training with a personal trainer. I am beginning my 3rd week with her and it is awesome. Once again, I overdid my eating this weekend while visiting my parents. I don't know if I will ever practice some self-control while there. I think my bad eating habits come back so quickly because everybody on the reservation eats unhealthy and I want to fit in. It's complicated. Plus you don't want to be rude and say I'm not hungry. Haha.

But I posted the before and after pic above to remind myself of how far I have come. And even though, I messed up, I know I can't gain all my weight back in one day so tomorrow I gotta get back on the wagon. I have 11 more days until my vacation to Phoenix. Funny how in these two pics, I have the same pose. Haha.

Who is that guy on the left? :P Have a great week ya'll. And let's have awesome results this week. I personally am going to work extra hard and make sure I am on the ball.

10 Week Challenge Results

2010-03-10T10:28:00.005-07:00

Name: Will representing the Navajo Nation.
Challenger: My friend Jenn representing the Pueblo Nation.

Duration: 3 Months.
Start Date: 1/5/10
End Date: 3/8/10

Will's weight loss goal: 24.8 lbs. 12% body fat
Jenn's weight loss goal: 21.6 lbs. 13% body fat

# of weigh-ins: 10

Initial Weigh-in for Will: 204.8 lbs.
Initial Weigh-in for Jenn: ??? Haha.

RESULTS:

End Weigh-in for Will: 190.0 lbs.

Weight Lost: 14.8 lbs.

So I have lost 14.8 lbs within the past 10 weeks. I guess that is 1.48 lbs/week average. But I always get caught up at 190 lbs. For some reason, I cannot break through this invisible barrier in my weight-loss progress. I'm really going to push myself and do everything in my power to get through this.

I got tested for bodyfat at my gym. And I am still in the "At Risk" category but I am very near the border between Overweight and Normal Weight. But the trainer suggested, I shoot for 180 lbs as an ideal and also to bulk up a little. I am meeting with him on Thursday. So maybe then, we can setup a training regiment.

So overall, I am happy with my results. I am taking a trip with friends in 5 weeks, so that gives me something to shoot for. I think 180 lbs is a reasonable goal for this challenge.

But my journey now continues.

Challenge #2:

Name: Will
Goal: - 10 lbs (180 lbs)
Current Weight: 190 lbs
Deadline: 10 weeks.

7th Weigh-In

2010-02-20T21:53:00.002-07:00

I am now going to weigh-in on Saturdays since that is the final day of my workouts during the week. I only worked out 4 days this week and I lost 2 lbs. Not too shabby. I am right on the borderline of 190 lbs. I weighed in yesterday at 189.9 lbs. So I have 20 days until my birthday. I believe that is plenty of time for me to get below 185 lbs. :D

My advice to someone who wants to accomplish something is not to give up. And to keep on going despite the bumps in the road you may face. It's hard to believe that I am 145 lbs lighter than I was in May 2007. All it took was that one day where I was just fed up with everything and I made the decision that this is something I'm going to commit to and accomplish. It means so much to me to finish what I started.

6th Weigh-In 192.3 lbs.

2010-02-17T12:38:00.004-07:00

I lost 1 lbs this week. I now weigh 192.3 lbs. I'm just happy I lost something this week because this weekend I ate what I wanted since I was out of town visiting some friends. I also went clubbing so there went more calories. But overall, I feel happy and I'm just glad I'm inching toward my goal. I have 3 weeks until it is my birthday. So my goal has changed to get below 185 lbs by then. I know it is possible but I really have to show some self-control and determination. :P

Here is a pic of me a friend took. The only full body pic I must say. I blurred out my refreshment. Haha.

I am actually happy about my self-image right now. Usually, I don't like what I see but when I looked through my friend's camera, I didn't delete any pics of myself. Even the one at the worst angle didn't bother me. Makes me wonder how I will look at 175 lbs because I don't wanna get really skinny. I've been thinking about starting to see a personal trainer to bulk up a little in the upperbody.

5th Weigh-In

2010-02-08T22:28:00.004-07:00

I weighed in today at 193.0 lbs. I'm well on my way. Like my coworker says at work, "Holla!" Haha. I am so proud of my progress and hard work. It sure is paying off and I feel like I'm unstoppable. Come on ya'll. Let's work it out. Like the video says, "I'm startin' with the man in the mirror..."

4th Weigh-In. 9 lbs for January 2010

2010-02-02T00:02:00.002-07:00

I weighed in today at 195.8 lbs. So I've lost 9 lbs for January 2010. This is good which means I am well on my way. My sister's birthday was this weekend so I ate good at the cookout and had two slices of cake. And on Sunday, I did some emotional eating which included some nachos. Sometimes, I think it's not fair how much food has an effect on my body compared to other people who I see junk food everyday and yet they are so skinny. Oh well. Work with whatcha got! My coworker burned me the P90X videos so I hope I can incorporate some of that into my routine. I just need to buy one of those chin up bars you put on your door. I'm scared I'll end up breaking something or fall flat on my face. Some progress is better than no progress at all.

Gorgeous Whitney & My 3rd Weigh-In

2010-01-25T22:26:00.004-07:00

Gorgeous pic of Whitney, I'd thought I'd post. Her new Anniversary cd comes out tomorrow. I'm gonna get my copy. But enough of that, let's get down to business.

I weighed in at 196.4 lbs, which is better than I had expected. Wow. I thought I would've gained some weight back but that is not the case. That means I have only 26 more lbs to lose. I have lost 8 lbs in 3 weeks. Not too shabby!

Here is a video about the album which comes out tomorrow.

2nd Weigh-In

2010-01-18T21:50:00.003-07:00

I weighed in tonight at 199.8 lbs. That means I lost 3 lbs within this past week. I am ecstatic. All my hard work is paying off. Yes! I'm well on my way. So that bring my total loss 5 lbs.

Sitting At A Red Light

2010-01-17T21:07:00.007-07:00

I was tired of listening to the same music over and over and I came across this artist, Jonny Lang, on iTunes. The first song I heard was the one above and after that I was hooked. I have downloaded a couple of his albums and still need to go through his whole discography. Tonight as I was driving home, I really listened to the lyrics and was inspirated. I could really relate to the lyrics. I think I liked it so much because subconsciously, my current situation is the song itself. We all come to red lights in our lives and during these times, we get time to think about our past, future, and present. It is what we do now and what we learn from our past that will determine how we will proceed into the future. I am happy this January 17, 2010. I have been on the right path since the first and I am looking forward to reaping the rewards of all the hard work I plan to put into my own life within the upcoming months. Anyways, I just thought I'd share the video. I really want to see him live in concert.

So what do I like about my life right now? For one, I eat healthy. I am slowly training myself not to feed my problems with food but to really deal with my problems head on. And also I am now aware of all the fresh vegetables and fruits and flavors that are out there. This morning I made myself an omelet with onions, mushrooms, bell peppers seasoned with pepper, rosemary, thyme, and sage. Herbs bring so much more flavor to a dish. I am also finding my inner strength and teaching myself to push my limits. When I am working out, there are times when it comes down to mind over matter. I feel accomplishment when I make myself finish what I started and I leave feeling fulfilled knowing that I gave it my all. My slow progress of 1-2 lbs per week is also teaching me patience and a lesson that progress and success comes from hard work. And when things look like they ain't going nowhere just keep with it and keep doin' what ur doin' cuz eventually it'll all make itself right in the end. I am more goal oriented. I see myself accomplishing short term goals I set for myself. This is teaching me that there is nothing I can't do once I set out to do something. And last but not least, I am seeing myself as a strong, intelligent, and handsome Native American man. I am unique and although my self-confidence needs some work, I am better off than I was a year ago. I bought a new shirt and sweater today at a discount price and it was surprising that when I put on these clothes in the dressing room, I liked what I saw in the mirror. :P

I just watched Avatar in 3D and for me, this made me think about my own culture and Native Americans. Although, we probably didn't share the same outcome as the Na'vi, our culture still survives and we still live in our own homeland. I am proud to be different. I like how I come from two worlds. How I work in mainstream American society and still go home to the reservation and enter into a different world where family and tradition are so close to my heart. It is an amazing feeling to have a sense of connection with the land when I visit my grandma's farm in Tse'di'jol, which was passed down from generation to generation. I like how my grandmother and relatives speak Navajo and even though I am do not practice the Navajo traditional way of life, the culture is still infused in my lifestyle. The movie also reminded me of how I read that some settlers, when they arrived here preferred to live among the Native Americans once they were welcomed into the culture and how the European society saw them as traitors and outcasts since they could not believe they would choose the "savage" way of life over their so called "modern" one. Well I just thought I'd speak my mind a little before I read my book, drink my green tea, and turn in for the night before work tomorrow. Oh yeah, the Na'vi called themselves the people. And so do we. We called ourselves, "Dine'", which means "The People." So being a modern Native, I guess I am an "Avatar" myself. :P

Chocolate Chip Cookies

2010-01-14T15:24:00.010-07:00

I have been working late these past two weeks and I've been working off 6 hours of sleep average. I'm not complaining but merely describing my current situation. Even though I get off work around 9 pm, I still go to the gym and get in my workout. I have lost only 2 lbs and it's my second week, but there is a time when you question your efforts. I know it is ideal to lose 1-2 lbs per week but come on.

Every morning when I get out of the shower and see the blurred image of myself in the mirror, I feel like I'm being cheated because I've been dealt a broken metabolism. But you gotta work with what you got, right?

Anyways, earlier today I ran downstairs to get myself a chocolate chip cookie and the guy there said, "I'll give you two cookies because you're getting too skinny." :) That made my day because the bakery was closed for a couple of weeks and it's the first time, I've been back. So I am getting results. So I thought to myself. There must muscle underneath all this padding. It's just a matter of diposing of the padding to reveal what is underneah. I don't want to become really skinny but solid with some muscle. I can't wait to workout tonight and continue this journey cuz time waits for no man. March will be here in no time!

One a side note, I was reading a blog on thoughts.com entitled, "Ugly Duckling Syndrome," and toward the end this is what the guy had to say about himself in finding a date.

"I mean, what am I supposed to do? Go out to a bar one night with my shirt open and my chest hairs sticking out, giving sparkling grins to women and suavely spouting out lines like: 'How YOU doing?' That’s not me! That’s not who I am! I’m not that guy! No matter how much weight I lose, no matter how attractive I become—I will always be a geek at heart."

Haha. That is me. I will always see myself as a geek and that chubby guy. Like an alcoholic going to AA meetings, it will always be a part of me and I don't think my self-image would ever totally disappear from my mind. :P

1st Weigh-In

2010-01-11T23:00:00.001-07:00

Well I weighed in at 202.8 lbs tonight. So 2lbs this past week, no too shabby. I'm on my way. At this rate I should be in the lower 180s by my birthday. :P

Day 1 of Weight Loss Challenge

2010-01-05T10:30:00.005-07:00

Name: Will representing the Navajo Nation.

Challenger: My friend Jenn representing the Pueblo Nation.

Duration: 3 Months.

Start Date: 1/5/10

End Date: 3/8/10

Will's weight loss goal: 24.8 lbs. 12% body fat

Jenn's weight loss goal: 21.6 lbs. 13% body fat

# of weigh-ins: 10

Initial Weigh-in for Will: 204.8 lbs.

Initial Weigh-in for Jenn: ??? Haha.

My Exercise for Day 1: I ate three meals and 2 snacks. I also weight lifted for about 30-40 minutes working the upper body. I also did 30 minutes on the elliptical and 30 minutes on the stairmaster. I read you can burn 20% less calories holding onto the side of the stairmaster. I must tell ya, it is much much harder. So far so good. :P

Anybody wanna in on this challenge?! :P

So What's New in 2010

2010-01-04T08:49:00.002-07:00

So what is new in MMX? For me I have the following resolutions. I'll state them real quick.

1. Get down to 170 lbs by March 9.
2. Smile more and be more friendly.
3. Start a relationship.
4. Work on Self-Love and Self-Confidence.
5. Do better at work.
6. Just be a better person.

Short and sweet.

Oh my workout. I worked out last week from Monday to Wednesday. I forgot to pay my gym membership. So I gotta pay the late fee. Of course I celebrated new years and ate an awesome meal at this french restaurant. I also extended my celebrations by an extra day so I gotta face the consequences for that. But I got it out of my system and am ready to be a good boy until March 9. But if I truly do make my journey to that day, then I may be ready to give it all up for good. Wish me luck! Or wait, a man makes his own luck! Haha. But it wouldn't hurt either. :P

I can and will accomplish these goals starting right now!

Last Post of 2009

2009-12-28T11:19:00.003-07:00

I took this pic this weekend at my parent's house. 2009 has been a tough year. With the economy and my own weightloss. I am at 198 lbs in the picture above and I am glad the holidays are over with so I can continue on my journey. I am grateful for everything that has happened this year and I am currently just riding the wave in life. I feel good. My goal is to get down to 170 lbs by my birthday in the early part of March 2010. My main goal for 2010 is to see Whitney Houston in concert if she tours here in the U.S.! Hopefully she will be going to Vegas or another city I would like to visit. NYC! Haha. So why 170 lbs? Well I participated in the free body fat testing at my gym and my results showed that I am 32% body fat which is classified as "Very Overweight" near "Overweight". And the trainer who did the testing calculated that 170 lbs would be "ideal" for me where I would be within the normal weight range. Hmmm... I guess we shall see. :P Happy New Year to all and a Merry Belated Christmas! I wish ya'll the best.

Self-Sabotage

2009-11-10T13:18:00.004-07:00

"Latent in every man is a venom of amazing bitterness, a black resentment; something that curses and loathes life, a feeling of being trapped, of having trusted and been fooled, of being the helpless prey of impotent rage, blind surrender, the victim of a savage, ruthless power that gives and takes away, enlists a man,... and crowning injury inflicts upon him the humiliation of feeling sorry for himself." - Paul Valery

Couldn't have said it better myself. After my hard week of busting my hump last week, what do I do? I knowingly and willingly sabotage myself over the weekend. It's like climbing that hill covered in snow as a kid. I remember struggling to get to the top to have those few seconds of pure bliss and happiness. Only to start all over again once my sled comes to a stop at the bottom. Well here is to starting over. At least I have persistence and realization that I am not perfect and reassurance that I will get to my destination eventually. It's just a matter of how long. I may have been complaining a lot in these past posts but I am much happier than I was a couple of years ago. And I am by no means quitting my journey. Here are some questions lingering in my head: Why is it that we are never satisfied? Will we have this constant hunger for the rest of our existence? Also, why is that things that sound so easy are so hard to implement once you get around to it?

Halloween

2009-11-03T09:12:00.004-07:00

I have to be honest. When I see the picture above, all I see are my flaws. I have my problem areas but you cannot spot train meaning do exercises to target one specific area. I read your body loses fat where it wants to. This also bring up another question. Will I always not like what I see in my pictures? I mean, when I get down to my goal will I still look at myself with non-approving eyes? And also, is this normal behavior to see yourself in this light? Anyways, back to the subject at hand. These past few months, I told myself that I will turn things around and really focus to finish what I started. But alas, I have gained some weight back. I admit that I am a stress eater and seem to reward myself with fatty foods. I weighed in at 198.7 lbs yesterday. This is really disappointing. But what can I do but to dust myself off and try again. So here is another blog about turning things around. We shall see. :P I just cannot wait for the day when I post a picture of myself and am truly proud of what I see. I plan to state my goal for the week on Monday and results on Friday. So my plan is no more pastries in the morning with my coffee and candy and tortilla chips and fast food. That's a start. For this week, I want to lose at least 2 lbs.

On another note. Have you seen Paranormal Activity? I do not like scary movies and it freaked me out. I keep waking up around 3 am thinking someone is going to drag me away or I'm going to sleep walk somewhere. Haha. I haven't had a good night's rest since then. Thanks ERIC! Plus I live alone and it's really quiet where I live. Every little noise freaks me out and I'm just waiting for my door to slam shut or to hear footsteps in my livingroom.

But one thing I am excite about is that I was appointed the coordinator of the family Thanksgiving Party this year and I want to do a good job. So I'm going to get a party list together and maybe even make my own invitations. Something simple and traditional. I luv Thanksgiving and Christmas.

THE VOICE!

2009-08-31T16:03:00.007-06:00

Today is a glorious day! Whitney Houston, "The Voice", released her 6th studio album and it is awesome! I downloaded it from iTunes after my Monday morning meeting and have been listening to it ever since. "Call You Tonight," is my favorite track off the album. But why oh why did I not make sure that I pre-ordered the album a couple of weeks ago? I missed out on a bonus track of the remix of "I Didn't Know My Own Strength." Oh well, I'm sure they will release the track soon. But after work, I am heading straight to Target to get a CD copy as well.

My obsession of this gorgeous diva began in 1999, when I purchased an album entitled "My Love Is Your Love". After listening to "It's Not Right But It's Okay," I was hooked and bought her entire discography. Although she may have had some ups and downs since then, I really like her music and this album is no exception.

Today I ran across a fan's site and it is totally awesome. Check it out at http://www.welooktoyou.com/ Her time is here and I can't wait to see more of her on Good Morning America on Wednesday and Oprah on the 14th! If she tours, I am gonna go to at least two of her concerts.

The Wedding Date

2009-08-19T15:14:00.004-06:00

On Saturday, I attended a wedding reception with my friend. We cut a rug on the dance floor thanks to our three lessons learning the Country two step, waltz, and swing dances. At midnight, the reception was over and we took the above picture together. I am still in the 190's and can't seem to get into the 180's. When my friend first sent me that picture, I was really disappointed in myself. I really began to wonder if I would ever be truly satisfied with how I look. But as I looked through my past photos in my previous blogs, I began to truly appreciate my progress and reminded myself that I am not done yet. But one thing positive about the above picture is that I fit into a medium. Yes. A medium. But it also shows that I need to lose more fat in my upper body. When I went home to the reservation, I noticed Navajo men tend to keep all of their excess fat in their upper bodies. More specifically, the belly and chest area. I'll tell you one thing though, I did not come all this way to stop now. I really do want to finish and look into my reflection after I shower with pride. ;)

Also, last week I met with a personal trainer and I weighed in on her scale at 194 lbs. During this initial consultation, she determined my fat content with calipers and did her assessment of my situation. But it did not come as no surprise that I am still overweight but I believe she can help me to reach my goal. She showed me a picture of fat and muscle which both weighed the same. The muscle of course took up less volume. So the plan is to burn fat and replace it with lean muscle. Sounds easy right? But overall, she said it seems that I am on the right track. The only obstacle in my way right now is finances. I spent all my spending money fixing my truckon Friday. So my plan of attack is to save up for a couple of sessions next paycheck and in the meantime, work out and continue keeping tabs on my calorie intake. This marks the 5th week of sobriety and being smoke free. ;)

Like my friend said, "We are our own worst critic."

After A Week Of Camping

2009-08-03T09:28:00.002-06:00

Camping was fun. I spent time with my family and saw some people who I haven't seen in a long time. We all sat around the campfire and talked to each other. I haven't laughed as hard as I did the night my little nephew was telling us a story. He is only 5 years old. Haha. But I remember how much I enjoyed camping out in the mountains when I was a little kid playing in the dirt and fishing. Although, I was only able to spend a couple of nights there, it was all worth it. I'm fully rejuvenated and ready to get back to work. My weight loss program all went down the drain but I'm ready to get back to where I left off last Friday. Oh yeah, above is a picture my sister took of me this weekend. Man, 17 more lbs to go! But I think after this weekend, I probably need 20 more to go.

Fishing Vacation

2009-07-29T09:23:00.003-06:00

Tomorrow is when I go on my camping trip to the lake shown above. It is called Wheatfields Lake which is located on the Navajo Reservation within the beautiful Chuska Mountains. It's a small lake full of rainbow trout. I've been going there since I was a kid. I just can't wait to enjoy the great outdoors, get in some reading and maybe even catch a fish. Honestly, I haven't caught one of those in a long, long time. Too long if you ask me.

So in preparation of this event, I weighed in today at 187 lbs. I lost 1 lbs and am 17 lbs away from my goal of 170 lbs. I think this is a reasonable goal weight. I'm doing a lot more cardio, but I'm really thinking of training for a half marathon. There is a race here in the city I live in which takes place in November. And I think it would be an awesome experience. What do you think?

I haven't had any thoughts about drinking or smoking since July 13th when I decided to quit that nonsense. Sixteen days, which is about 2 weeks and some change. I'm glad I made this choice because I feel so much better. The sight of people smoking in the morning kind of makes me shutter because that is what I used to do sometimes. I also kissed somebody who was smoking cigarettes and let me tell ya. It ain't a pleasant experience. Haha. All the more reason to quit. But as for drinking, I gotta admit that I do want to have a glass of wine with a meal every once in a while. But we'll see about that.

So I probably say this often, but life is good! Can't wait to see the Milky Way in all it's glory during the night time. Make s'mores with my neices. Play games and just enjoy cooking out and laughing. It's gonna be an awesome, rewarding experience. I'm glad Navajos are very a family oriented people. ;)

Friday Progress - 7/24/09

2009-07-24T10:28:00.007-06:00

I ran my 5K this morning on a trail next to my apartment. Part of my weight loss plan is to jog at least every weekday of the week in the early morning. I can proudly say I accomplished this goal for the week. I must say, it feels good to witness the morning sun peeking out from behind the beautiful Sandia Mountains, shown in the above picture. Something inside me feels a sense of connection to nature. In traditional Navajo culture, they say you're supposed to run towards the east every morning before the sun rises to start off the day right. I can surely see why. Its medicinal and you begin the day knowing you accomplished something. Sweating out those toxins and giving your body a jump start makes you smile and enjoy life that much more.

I lost 3 lbs this week. I weighed in at 188.8 lbs on the scale at this gym I joined a week ago. My sister recommends this personal trainer she has been seeing named Lara and I really want to schedule an initial consultation within the next two weeks. I want to be pushed to my limits and see if I can truly handle the workload.

I'm proud of my progress so far. Life is turning out for the better and I feel 200% better than I did last week.

Last night, I attended a screening for Julie & Julia which comes out during the first part of August. It's a movie about Julia Childs and another woman Julie who is a cook at heart and fan of Julia's cookbook. I don't want to spoil anything, but all I can say is to go watch this movie. I really enjoyed it because I enjoy cooking myself. It comes as no surprise that Meryl Streep did an awesome job portraying Julia Childs. After watching this movie, I want to buy Julia's cookbook and cook some of her recipes myself. Maybe I can cook a delicious meal for my next date. ;) Anybody want to be my guinnea pig? Haha.

My Fitness Pal

2009-07-22T10:39:00.002-06:00

Created by MyFitnessPal - Online Calorie Counter

So yesterday my friend, Will, from the Men's Health Belly Off Club suggested I check out this website called Fitness Pal. And it is pretty awesome and free. You can enter in your food information as well as workout routine and it'll give you an idea of how much you can lose based on your intake vs. how much you burn while working out. But anyways, I looked into the blogs and forums and they too are awesome. People helping other people out who are in the same situation. One thing I really got out of it is that this lady wrote about how she was feeling depressed. She said she was depressed because she was mourning for her old self. That is exactly what I'm feeling right now. I am mourning for the loss of "Big Will." Yes, my old self has a name. :P But I find myself getting attention and I just miss being invisible when nobody payed any attention to me. And also, I miss using food to cope with my emotions like going to get some pizza or some takeout. But currently, I am dealing with some problems and I tried to deal with these issues through food and it did not give me the same comfort as it did once before. So now, I'm finding that I have to deal with my problems directly through writing in a journal or talking a walk. Wow. She really hit my current situation right on the mark. But anyways, I'm back on the wagon. I feel like I am overeating in the evenings but my calories are actually a little bit below my goal so I have to eat more I guess. Great! I will update my picture in two weeks after my camping trip. I can't wait to spend some time with family and go up the mountains to fish, roast marshmallows and just hang out all day.

The turning point in my own life story

2009-07-20T09:55:00.003-06:00

I remember in my high school english class, we would read a story and write a short paper describing the characters, archetypes, and turning point. From that point on, when I would watch a movie I instantly knew that towards the end when the main character goes through some sort of tribulation, there would be that moment when they have an epiphany and everything would turn out for the better. But does this happen in the real world?

In my own life, I think I experienced one of these moments two weekends ago. I'm not gonna go into details but I put myself in a situation resulting in my truck being stolen. So for two weeks, I had to find alternate modes of transporation. Simple things I took for granted like renting a movie, going to the store or just getting out of the house was a challenge. I didn't like the feeling of relying on other people. But I had a lot of time to think during this time as I was waiting for the bus or walking to the grocery store. It made me appreciate life and the beautiful world we live in. The birds chirping in the morning, the sun rising in the morning and setting in the evening. I also had time to partake in the simple pleasure of reading a book, learning something new, and becoming lost in a world different than my own.

Through all of this, I realized that I needed to cut out things in my life which was holding me down. Alcohol and Cigarettes. Recently, I've had some control issues with alcohol in trying to find my cutoff limit. But I thought to myself that if I have not found it yet, then chances are I never am. So I decided to cut out that nonsense and live without it. If I can turn my life around from being a 335 lbs guy addicted to fast food, sodas, and fried greasy food, then I can definately change these habits as well. Why do I need it anyway? Or the question which I now am slowly trying to answer is why did I think that I need alcohol to have a good time? So it's been two weeks, and I haven't thought of or even felt the need to have a drink or a cigarette. I know there will come a time when I will be tempted but I am confident that I can overcome it.

One thing which I did not expect to come out of this experience was the acknowledgement to myself that I need religion in my life to become a better person. I was raised by my parents practicing Christianity, but as I moved out of their house I began to question the teachings and alienated myself from the religion and its principles. I think this was due to my lifestyle which did not agree with the teachings. But now, I do want to have that stability in my life and be part of something which is greater than myself. I need this if I want to continue on my journey of molding myself into the man I want be.

So far I have lost 143 lbs and I have not been putting much effort into losing these last 20 lbs because I still do not like what I see when I look into a mirror. I have a real problem with self-worth and self-confidence. I know this is a problem but I do not know how to go about getting help for it. But I'm sure I will find a solution.

I currently weigh 192 lbs and I really want to finish losing this weight. The problems I have now is rewarding myself with food. Why do I feel the need to reward my hard work with food which actually negates the progress I did to that point? Also, I eat when I'm bored, so if I'm in my apartment sitting watching tv, I feel the need to eat something. Additionally, I eat when I'm stressed and dealing with problems. So these past two to three weeks, I've been giving in and eating at fast food restaurants. I even went as far as to order a chicken sandwich with fries instead of the baked potato or side salad. All of these bad decisions have already been made and the consequences are in motion.

But today, I just want to make it known that I will stop this destructive behavior. I will eat healthy and really think about the choices I am making and how it affects the life I'm living. This blog is really for me to put my feelings out there and to look back in the future and remember that today is when I was on the verge of major changes in my life. I want to be a better person. I want to live a better life. I want to be the best version of myself which is fit, intelligent, and financially stable. Although I will have to earn back the trust from some people in my life, I think my actions will speak louder than my words. I am going to make my aspirations a reality. I can do it.

It's April, Fools!

2009-04-06T13:23:00.002-06:00

In the tradition of my weight loss progress, I posted the above pic of myself taken a couple of week ago. I finally reached my goal of getting below 200 lbs this past Friday. I weighed in at 199.7 lbs. Wow. I still can't believe it myself. I'm now working out in the evenings as well. I stepped up my game cuz 'm finally taking a much needed vacation on the 17th. I plan on hanging out with friends and having a blast. Work is really hectic and I'm trying to keep up. I don't know what my last post was about but I must've been feeling down and low on myself. I have to admit that I am more comfortable in my own skin today than I was when I wrote that blog.

The last episode of the biggest loser was great. I'm very appreciative of what Nicole had to say at the end of the show. She knows what's going on and made me feel very proud of what I have accomplished so far. Like her, I think I still don't grasp what I have really accomplished as far as weight loss goes. I'm beginning to not only take it day by day but actually LIVE my life.

I'm planning on entering a 5 K race which takes place at the end of next month and today I jogged in the morning because I missed my spinning class. I was planning on running maybe 2 miles because last week I had a hard time jogging since I haven't ran since my injury back in December. To my surprise, I ran the entire 5 K distance and didn't get long winded or tired. In fact, I could've probably ran another mile but I had to go to work. I felt awesome. But I'm sure running on a treadmill is a lot different than running in the real world. Haha. But the fact that I ran the distance with ease was totally unexpected. Guess that shows myself my own potential.

An Outcast's Point Of View

2009-03-27T13:34:00.004-06:00

Don't do it Will! I just had to rant about some personal issues. Next one will be something on the lighter side. Maybe something about birthday parties or kites or family get togethers. FYI. It's a pretty long post.

I admit that I am not a "social butterfly," a term frequently used by my friend Fred to describe an outgoing approachable person. It scares me to be the center of attention to be honest. I would rather blend into the background where nobody can see me or talk to me. If I had to choose a superpower, I would probably choose invisibility.

Why?

This is what I want to know. Even when I am amongst friends, I will usually be the quiet person who is just there. There are times when I really want to join in on the conversation but something keeps me from opening my mouth and voicing my opinion. I think my brain is the culprit in this situation because I think too much. Although I'm standing there speechless and silent, a million thoughts are racing through my mind. Thoughts about acceptability, appearance, opportunities, embarrassment, anxiety, and self-perception.

Why not do something about this problem?

I don't know where to start in seeking a remedy. I'm sure I have low self-esteem because when I am approached by another person I often intentionally give off this distant elusive vibe. These situations usually end up in one of those awkward silent moments. I see my flaws as being exposed when I walk into a room. I think everybody is critiquing me when in actuality everybody is probably minding their own business and could care less.

I have never heard of a success story about an introverted person becoming more extroverted. Is there somebody out there who has truly overhauled their personality into what they really wanted to be?

I also wonder if I am the only one who feels this way. I guess the only way I will truly be confident is if everything about me is perfect. I know that sounds superficial but that is what I truly think. Perfection. It is impossible but I try to attain this goal time and time again.

There is also this weight issue. People always tell me, "you look good." I don't know how to translate this comment. I look good compared to how I looked before? Or are they just telling me that because they think it will help me continue my weightloss journey? Or do they truly mean it? Haha. I told you I think about things too much. But as of now, I don't see myself in this light. I still picture the old Will staring back at me in my reflection. I hope people who have been overweight most of their life and have lost the weight, feel the same way. I want to believe that these last 25-30 lbs will help me to attain confidence and increase my self-esteem. Want to believe.

I just wanted to let this all out on the table. This is partly due to an article entitled "The Odd Man Out" by Dr. Jallen Rix, which I just finished reading. The end of this article can be found below. I'm gonna try to take this guy's advice and see if it has any positive effects on my own situation.

"... To be fair, let me point out the benefits to being an outcast. We get to see life distinctly different from the majority of society. We often get to be the trailblazers because we can think out of the box and forge into uncharted territory. On the downside, we can sometimes become the cynic on the sidelines. We may criticize from a distance but never really participate in the game. No wonder minority groups often have a hard time trusting each other, getting organized and mobilizing. It’s tough to get behind a cause when everyone is more comfortable commenting from the sidelines and never getting their hands dirty to do the work.

What does this have to do with sexuality? How often are you in a social setting thinking about how you either fit or don’t fit in or whether you are attractive enough or kewl enough? How often are you already thinking whether you’re going to be the odd one out — even before you ever walk into a social setting? If you’re in a relationship, how often are you thinking that you’re the “lesser” one of the relationship? And don’t thoughts like that work wonders on competing to be “better than” the one you’re suppose to be loving? Like I previously wrote, if we believe we are the outcast enough, it becomes part of our personality, and we are putting ourselves into a “lesser than” roll when it simply is unnecessary.

Always believing you’re the odd one out is a kind of self-esteem trap that keeps you always feeling like you should be someone else. This trap is what I meant by believing the commercial that says buy the right clothes or wear the most alluring fragrance and you will get that special someone, when the only sure thing you’ll get is a receipt. The truth is we are all different. And the only true loved one is the person who loves you for you’re uniqueness. They love you unconditionally and for what makes you special.

So the next time you find yourself in a room full of people and you begin to feel like the mutant cowering in the corner, consider something different. Remember, most likely everyone else is feeling like the weird one as well. And if we’re all feeling that, then we actually have a lot in common. Accept that everyone is different, including yourself. Instead of condemning yourself, celebrate your uniqueness. Throw away the hierarchy of conformity. Be yourself in an ocean of diversity. After all, how will that special someone find you special if you’re trying to be like everyone else?"

Accomplishments, Anticipation and the Artichoke Cafe

2009-03-04T13:39:00.007-07:00

I'm here at work trying to figure out a solution to this problem I'm facing which has to do with synchronization between two interfaces being used by multiple users simultaneously. I love my career choice but sometimes I can't seem to focus. I'm working with a typical publish-subscribe model as seen above.

I'm currently listening to the "Clapton Chronicles: The Best of Eric Clapton" and it is sweet music to my ears. Why I never listened to his music before is beyond me. Nothing like jamming out to music and programming like crazy.

On a person note, my birthday is 5 days away, but I'm celebrating with my friends this weekend. I made reservations at this restaurant in Albuquerque called The Artichoke Cafe for a party of 10. The entrees seem pretty pricey but I'm sure it will be good. It better be good. Right now, all I want is a good glass of wine.

My goals for the 28th year of my life is to put a major dent in my student loans, finance a car, and maybe even look into buying a house. We shall see though. It's been less than a year since I completed Graduate School and I must say I have gained tons of valuable experience. I realized this as I was updating my resume last week. :)

200. 200 is the number on my mind. I feel like a contestant on the Biggest Loser before a big weigh-in. But in my case, there are no dire consequences except for a little disappointment. I am currently at 205.3 lbs. Can you lose 5 lbs in a week? Haha. I'm skeptical but realistically the odds are against me. At least, I fit into a shirt I bought a couple of weeks ago more comfortably. :P And just in case I didn't say it enough, my goal is to weigh at least 200 lbs by my brithday.

Alright, I'm gonna get back to work. Until next time.

Current Progress

2009-02-20T08:50:00.005-07:00

Well this blog will be about my current progress to date. I weighed in this morning at 205.3 lbs. I'm so close to 200 lbs it's not even funny. :P But I'm just happy to see the 200's. If somebody told me two years ago that I would one day weigh 200 lbs, I would've laughed at you cuz I honestly didn't think it was possible. My mentality in 2006 was hopelessness, disappointment, and distress. But now in 2009, it has changed to hope, accomplishment, and happiness. It's funny cuz in a couple of months in the future I'll look back to this pic and say to myself, "I felt so good that day and thought I looked awesome but compared to how I look now, what was I thinking?" I guess it's like seeing your old high school photo. :P

One thing that struck me while watching the Biggest Loser on Tuesday is what Cathy of the purple team had to say. She said something like, "I never would've imagined this strength existed inside me which has been silent for so long and now that I have found it, it seems that anything is possible." Well probably not a literal quote but that's what I translated it into. Haha. I guess during this journey I found my inner strength. This "Will" who is getting more confident and hungry for success and accomplishment. My outlook toward the future is no longer clouded with brick walls and failures but rather opportunities up for grabs as long as ur willing to put in the hard work to get there. I think this strength exists in all of us. I suppressed it for so long! My advice is to find this strength. But it's not gonna happen overnight. It's gonna be a hard road to travel. Blood, sweat and tears! But in the end it is well worth it! If I didn't find this strength back in May 2007, I would be sitting here miserable at 335+ lbs saying to myself that I'll start tomorrow. That mentality is a vicious cycle in itself. So "DO IT! DO IT NOW!" :)

I was looking at my past blogs starting in 2008 right after I graduated from graduate school. The pictures speak for themselves and it motivates me to keep on going. I'm glad I started this blog and recorded my progress through images. I feel 10 times better! I'm on track to accomplishing my goal of getting to 200 lbs or below by my birthday which is in 17 days.

Today is Friday and I'm glad to be alive. The Ugly Betty episode last night was hilarious. I love Wilhelmina Slater's character. She is so confident, stylish and evil. :) Is it me or is the cast's wardrobe looking better this season? Oh and Heroes! That show is also keeping me on my toes. Well I gotta get back to work. Have a great weekend!

Change

2009-02-18T08:24:00.001-07:00

We must continuously fine-tune our bearings.

No one can set sail and expect to forget the wind. First you stand in the open air, feel the wind touch your face, and take note of its direction and force. Then you set your sail to carry your boat toward your goal. And you continue to recheck the wind because it is ever changing.

We might wish we could nail down our achievements when we finally reach them, stop the march of time, or keep our loved ones safe where they are. Just when we think we have everything together, something changes. Children grow up, jobs change, new neighbors move in next door. Like a sailor, we must continuously fine-tune our life bearings. Whether a change is welcome or not, we must respond.

Our main choice is not what will change but how we respond. If we hold too tightly to willful thinking, we are not attuned. But if we make peace with change, we grow. We will be transformed into more than we could ever imagine.
From the Book: The More We Find In Each Other
By: Merle Fossum & Mavis Fossum

Respect

2009-02-11T10:31:00.001-07:00

Saw this and thought I'd try this concept out.

"There's really only one way to achieve self-respect and that is to act respectably. We can't go back and undo our past. But we can act and behave respectably today, so that when we close our eyes tonight to go to sleep, we can say we have self-respect. A day at a time or an hour at a time, it's our actions now that count. If we put our self-respect on hold, saying something like "I'll have self-respect when I graduate," or "I'll have self-respect when I get a good job," we are putting off what we should do today. But when we live in the present, knowing it's all we have, we can give our best effort to life today.

Today let me treat myself and all those I encounter with respect."

From the Book: Our Best Days
By: Nancy Hull-Mast

Music and Barriers

2009-01-30T11:04:00.007-07:00

"It's a good day to be indigenous." - Randy Peone from Smoke Signals (1998)

It isn't very often that you hear the first track of an album and you're instantly drawn to the artist. But that's how it went down yesterday with the guy in the video above. James Morrison. I was looking through iTunes for new music and came across his page. After previewing one of his songs, I instantly knew I had to purchase his album, "Songs For You, Truths For Me." I wasn't at all disappointed by any of his tracks. There is just something about his raspy voice that I'm drawn to. It makes me feel happy. :P I can imagine myself jogging to this music. I'd recommend this guy and his album is only $7.99 for an iTunes Plus album which is DRM-Free by the way.

Another reason I am happy this morning is because I finally broke through my plateau and am down to 209 lbs. I am cycling 5 times a week in the early mornings and also lifting weights 4 times a week. I have noticed the changes in my arms and legs as well as the increase in the amount of weights I can now lift. I hope to get below 200 lbs by my birthday in March. My short term goal is to say, "NO!" to more things like clubbing and drinking, eating greasy food, and smoking. Yeah. I only smoke when I have a drink though. It's so hard to quit. I know I can overcome these obstacles though. 9 lbs. 9 LBS! It's probably gonna take me 4-5 weeks to get there but before you know it the time will have already passed. I feel awesome. All y'all have a nice weekend.

A New Hope

2009-01-20T10:56:00.008-07:00

At my work we watched the inauguration of the 44th President of the United States, Barack Obama. I enjoyed this historic event with my coworkers. His speech was very uplifting and powerful. I wanna do my part in this country. I can work harder and am confident I can attain my full potential in these upcoming months.

My weightloss journey has transformed into a plateau. I can't seem to get below 210 lbs. I've been dealing with some feelings and issues which are alien to me and I fear it has been negatively affecting my progress. Yeah, I know. Excuses. Excuses. Why am I such an emotional person? I made some stupid decisions this weekend regarding who I should spend my time with. Friends, family, or a person who has the potential of being someone in my life. Some I regret and some I don't, but what is done is done. I guess the next step is to move on and whatever happens will be okay with me. I know this is a laissez-faire way of thinking but I promised to put myself first which, to me, means finishing this journey I started a year and 8 months ago. I really want to look into the mirror one day and truly be satisfied with my own image.

I missed working out yesterday. :( But this morning I got up to attend the cycling class which was awesome. I really want to get back into running but I don't wanna reinjure myself. There is a golf course next to my apartment complex and I was thinking of running around it. I may need to buy some better running shoes though. I also gave into this infomercial and bought the Perfect Pushup gadget. I'm gonna try it out tonight. :P Also, I noticed there were some workout balls in the downstairs gym which is awesome cuz I miss the morning abdominal class which isn't offered at this new gym I'm attending. I'm sure I can get some crunches in and see what machines they have.

My short term motivation is clothes. I wanna buy new size Large shirts and fit into them comfortably. Currently, the shirts do fit but are very snug. Hopefully by February or around the Superbowl I'll reach this goal.

Things I need to work on?

Avoid temptation like drinking with friends at the clubs, smoking cigarettes and also not watching what I eat when I do go to a restaurant. Overall, my biggest problem is overindulgence.

Oh! This is off topic but Whitney was at the 2009 BET Honors and looked awesome! :) I can't wait for her new album to drop. Which I hope is this year. Haha. I am a huge fan. When I say huge, I mean owning her whole discography on my iPhone and listening to her albums ritually while programming here at work. As a matter fact I'm listening to her "I'm Your Baby Tonight" album typing this. Haha. Scary right? Anyways, below is a pic of her at the event. She presented an award to Tyler Perry. Either she or her stylist has good taste in clothing cuz her dress off the chain.

Unexpected Turn

2009-01-08T08:12:00.003-07:00

Wow. It's amazing how much your life can change within a few days. I was feeling down and low this past Friday. Wondering if it was at all possible to turn things around. But low and behold, I meet this amazing person. We hit it off at once. My first true real date as an adult. When I say adult, I mean as a person who is independent, has his own place and an awesome job. I've been ready to start dating for a couple of weeks now and coincidentally, the first person I date is awesome. I mean who could ask for more. Intelligent. Career oriented. Funny. Sexy. Is it possible to get what you want on the first try? Is this predestined? Okay, maybe not that. Haha. Yesterday, this person cooked me dinner. No one has ever cooked me dinner before and it was awesome. The conversation and just being there together in each other's company was enough satisfaction for me. I brought the wine of course. All I gotta say is that I've never felt like this before. I don't know how to deal with so many compliments like, "I like your smile" and "I'm really attracted to you." and the list goes on. My favorite is "You make me smile. :)"

I wake up this morning with no problem. I go to the gym and really challenge myself. This person makes me wanna be a better man. So I've been working out since Monday like I was previously. And it feels soo good. This morning while in bumper to bumper traffic jammin' to Janet's Design of Decade album thinking about the previous night, I can't help but smile. Usually, I'm on edge trying to get to work but this time, I don't care if someone cuts me off or if it's taking forever to get to my exit. Life is good. So today at work, I'm gonna finish this project I've been working on with passion. Man. These feelings are so new to me. Again, I feel awesome today!

Enough Whining And Get 'Er Done

2008-12-30T11:28:00.003-07:00

Yesterday, I was feeling down and low. If you couldn't tell already. But today, I visited my profile on the Belly Off Club on the Men's Health Magazine website and this guy left a message of how he was inspired by my progress so far. And how he wants to lose 15 lbs. I'm in this same boat. I wanna lose these last 30-40 lbs. Also, on the site there are these success stories of guys who lost the weight. To my surprise, I know a majority of these people cuz they leave comments on my page. Maybe one day I'll be featured on the website too. :P My birthday is coming up in March and I believe I can do this if I don't derail. I promise not to smoke a single cigarette or drink any alcoholic drinks until my birthday. As a reward, I will celebrate in moderation with some friends. :P I can do this. I once again see the light. My next post will be in 2009. I can't wait to see what is gonna go down in 2009. Not only in my life, but other people I know. ;) So I'll stop my whining and get my ass into the gym tonight. Cycling class starts at 6 pm.

2008 Coming To An End

2008-12-29T08:39:00.004-07:00

I am really proud of what I have accomplished in 2008. I graduated from graduate school. I found an awesome job with the salary I was hoping for. I'm more independent. And I finally moved out on my own. ;) You would think I'd be all smiles and grins right? Nope.

These past two weeks, I've been really struggling with my whole weight loss routine. My weight is a complicated issue for me. Why? That's what I would like to know. This is controlling my life. It's a psychological phenomena to me. To be honest, I haven't gone to the gym in two weeks and have totally fell off the wagon. I'm almost over my injury of a pulled hamstring. Yesterday, I thought to myself, "Will, what are you doing? What's wrong with you?" I guess I am feeling lost and disappointed. Before I was injured I felt good cuz I was headed in the right direction. But now, I feel like I'm letting myself go and I seem to comfort myself with food I know isn't good for me. I know it's not too late to turn things back around, but I can't stop thinking of myself falling deeper and deeper into this abyss of self doubt.

What do I need to do to make myself feel truly happy? I don't know. I need to know. I want to know . . .

First major setback

2008-12-17T12:26:00.007-07:00

I'm sitting here in urgent care at the hospital. I have never been to a real hospital before. Meaning a hospital that is not affiliated with the Indian Health Service (IHS). I guess this means I have to pay. But anyways, I injured my leg at the gym. I think I overexerted myself on the leg press. Before this week I strained my hamstring and was out for a week. So on Monday I have this bright idea that I am totally healed and to prove it, I try to run two miles. BAD IDEA! Guess for a minute I thought I was Claire from Heroes. Speaking of, I think Sylar is better playing the villain. So, as I sit here typing this on my iPhone still waiting for the doctor, I'm feeling embarrassed because I should've known better. The nurse weighed me in earlier and I've only gained a couple of pounds. Not too shabby. This just pushes back my present goals but I'll be back stronger and more determined come next year.

I watched the Biggest Loser finale last night. Very inspirational. All I gotta say is, "Go Michelle!!". I was rooting for her the whole time. I am feeling fustrated because I wanna work out and get back into my daily routine but this injury is holding me back. I find myself dealing with my ordeal with food. Man! I know. I am still weak. A limping gazelle.

Oh yeah, I'm moving into my own place. I can't wait. Surprisingly i have good credit. New community. New people. And hopefully the start of my new life. ;) I can't wait to go on the dating scene. 2009 is gonna be my year! My new goal is to get below 200 lbs by the end of January. And to mark the occasion I am gonna cut my hair short cuz long hair is hard to deal with.

P.S. The pic above was taken on my way to work from the parking garage. First day of snow sticking to the ground here. Oh yeah, treading through the snow in loafers is tricky and I wouldn't recommend it if you've got an injury like mine. ;)

Thanksgiving, Family and Motivation

2008-11-21T09:44:00.002-07:00

Thanksgiving is just around the corner. My little sister has already assigned everybody in my family their contributions to the traditional dinner. My goal is to get down to 210 lbs by Thanksgiving and I'm almost there. I weighed in today at 211.7 lbs. I need at least .8 lbs to reach my goal if I consider 210.9 lbs being acceptable. :P I can do it. I just gotta survive this weekend and really hold back on the reigns of my appetite and cravings. All I gotta say is that I worked out hard this week. And jogging has become a struggle for me. Well the endurance anyways, but I'm surviving.

I know it's early to be thinking about Christmas but it's only a month away. I only have two nieces and I'm looking forward to buying their Christmas gifts cuz who doesn't like shopping for toys. My older niece is gonna turn 5 in March. Any suggestions on a gift for her? My other niece is 2 or 3. I forget but she's a handful. Any suggestions for her? Well I just can't wait to get next week over with and spend some time with family. It's always an experience going back to the reservation. Talk about culture shock. Haha.

Pinons and Workouts

2008-11-14T09:47:00.007-07:00

One of my earliest memories as a kid is going with the family to the mountains to pick pinons deep in the reservation. In case you didn't know, pinons are only available every so often. It can be years before a pinon tree produces these delicious nuts. On our rez, news travels by word of mouth and once my mom got wind of where there were pinons available we would all pile into my dad's single cab pickup and make a day out of it. We would always stop at 7-2-11 and pick up our snacks, drinks, and candy before we got on the road. The route to these destinations were usually very remote so we had to travel on dirt roads and sometimes ran into crazy situations which led to driving along edges of cliffs. But once we got there, all you could see was free food for all who were willing to pick them. I'm pretty sure my Navajo ancestors picked from these same trees in the past cuz pinon trees can live to be 1,000 years old. Anyways, we would all contribute in picking pinons all day and reap the spoils afterwards. My mom would wash the pinons, roast them with salt in an iron skillet, and we would all snack on them together. Anyways, this always reminds me of Thanksgiving and Christmas time. I'm thinking of heading towards Grants to pinon pick with my older sister cuz she found out there are pinons on Mount Taylor. The cycle continues.

I lost 0.3 lbs this week. Not much, but it is progress. I'm down to 213.6 lbs. I know what the problem is and need to address this issue. But I am confident I will be below 210 lbs by Thanksgiving. This is the first time I am beginning to notice positive changes in my body. ;) My legs and lower back have been sore this whole week due to adding the elliptical to my workout. I'm debating whether or not I should go to the cycling class tomorrow cuz I don't wanna overdo it.

On Tuesday after my cycling class, this older lady comes up me and says, "Did you used to go to this gym a year ago?" I said, "Yeah, during the summer when I was off from college." She was like, "Wow. I almost didn't recognize you. You lost a lot of weight. How much did you lose?" I said, "About 120 lbs." She was a bit taken back and said, "Well, you're an inspiration and good job on losing all that weight." I said thanks and left feeling inspired and awkward cuz I have never met this lady in my life. It's funny how my friends sometimes show my blog to other people struggling with their weight and it gives them hope. If I can inspire just one person through this blog and show them that it is possible to get into shape through hard work and perseverence then that makes me happy.

Pizza and Life

2008-11-10T13:29:00.004-07:00

I made pizzas with my two nieces this weekend and it was fun. Anyways, my little sister is always around with her camera. Last time we made pizzas was a couple of months ago. Here is the before and after pic. I'll leave it up to you to decide which one was taken this past weekend. ;) I feel good.

Question of the day: What does it mean when someone says, "The truth will set you free?" I think it does lift some weight off the person who is revealing some truths but what about the people on the receiving end? This weekend I revealed some truths of my own but now I am thinking if it was worth it. Hmmmm ... Only time will tell. But like I said before, I feel good! I am beginning to feel happiness for the first time in my life. :)

Naughty November

2008-11-07T13:22:00.003-07:00

I went to the DMV yesterday to get a new driver's license since I lost my last one this past weekend. Don't ask. Anyways, I saw this quote: "The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal justice upon it," which was spoken by Chief Joseph of the Nez Perce tribe.

I had to walk about 6 blocks to work and on my short journey I pondered about these words. I wondered what the Bill of Rights would've been if Native Americans regained their control of this land. Surely, this statement would be a part of it. What would the world be like if such a thing happened? I used to watch this show back in the day about a group of people who traveled from one dimension to the next never knowing where they would end up. I always wished the writers would pick up on this idea. The word "Sliders" and the main guy checking for a squeaky door comes to mind.

Okay down to business about my progress. I weighed in this morning at .... drum roll please ... 212.9. Which looks a lot better than 213.0 and a ton better than 218, which I weighed last week. No wonder why everything at the store ends in a 9, cuz it looks so much better. I am up to 2.6 miles jogging @ 6.8 mph and sprinting between 7.5 - 8.0 mph for the last couple of minutes. All in all, I run for about 20 minutes. I was thinking today of how HARD it was just to run 0.50 miles back in May. I was about to give up near the end but I thought, "If Obama can become the Presidental elect of our country then I can do this." I am also lifting more weights both upper and lower body. Oh, and I can do pushups now. SWEET!!! My cycling instructor whom I haven't seen in a week made a comment to me as I walked in. She said, "DUDE! You're looking lean. GOOD JOB!!" in front of the whole class. It made me feel good. I smiled, got on my bike and worked my ass off. I replaced walking with the elliptical and it is a challenge and all I gotta say is that it works both the upper and lower body. Last but not least, I'm a regular attendee of the abdominal class by Beverly. She's tough but her class keeps me on my toes cuz it varies from week to week. I'm noticing how much stronger I am in the abdominal area. 210 is the next barrier for me to break down before Thanksgiving. But 200 is not too far off either. AWESOME! And I just bought new shirts too! Oh well.

I watched the results of the Presidental race and stayed up until 10 pm waiting for Obama's speech as well as McCain's. All I gotta say is, YES! I think we all need unity and some major reconstruction in this country. It's gonna take time but we will move forward. Like I'm finding out now, if you put in the hard work then you'll definately get results. I think Proposition 8 should not have passed in California but that's just my thinking. Well that's our country being so entwined with Christianity even though we don't wanna admit it. And how can a religion which preaches about goodness be so mean and up in your face at times? Beats me. Equality is an idea that is so easy to throw around but when it comes down to it, it's so hard to practice I guess.

A Week Before Halloween

2008-10-24T09:37:00.010-06:00

This morning started off good as I looked at my reflection in the mirror checking out my black long sleeve button up shirt, jeans, new light jacket from the Gap and classic Adidas kicks. All was in working order, so I spray on my Armani Code cologne and walk out the door. I get into my little white truck which treated me good all through college and turn the key in the ignition to warm it up. John Mayer's Continuum album seems to match my mood so I slide the CD into my CD Player. Not a burned CD, mind u.

As I begin my journey toward the workplace in the downtown area, I find myself being particularly courteous to my fellow commuters as I let people in and what not. Too bad there aren't any balloons in the sky on this gorgeous cold morning. Everybody goes to work early on Fridays just to get the day over with. Myself included. :) I usually get nervous about merging onto the freeway but not this particular morning. Weird. There is always somebody holding up traffic. Yup, just as I thought. An elderly person driving 55 mph when they should be going at least 65 mph. 70 mph in my case. For some reason, I always drive 5 mph over the speed limit. At this time, I think to myself. "I don't wanna get old." After I pass this turtle like person, two major interstates merge together and I gotta get off on the next exit so I move to the right four lanes. This reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where George wants to keep his record on an arcade machine so he tries to move across the street as if he was in the "Frogger" game.

I finally get over and take my exit. Smooth sailing from here. I just gotta take a right at the next stop light and cruise onto the parking garage. Huh? Bumper to Bumper traffic is all I see when I take the next right. Great! Why do they have only ONE entrance into this parking structure? After 30 minutes of waiting, 1/16 less gas, and progress of I would say 2 miles, I squeeze into a parking space and walk to work. Oh well, at least it's Friday. I wonder what is going on today? Obama!?!? I wish. People drive crazy when there is a line like this and it gets fustrating after a while. Come to find out, it was a Christian convention. I guess Christians are pretty agressive drivers. Go figure. I should've known with the unusual amount of Jesus fishes on all the cars.

I weighed in this morning at 214.8 lbs which means I once again reached another small goal. I am below 215 lbs so now 210 lbs is my new target. I am up to jogging 2.5 miles and I replaced walking with the elliptical. Progress in the making. This is the best gift I could've given myself this year for Christmas. No Doubt! Thanks Will for having THE WILL.

As I sit here drinking my Tall Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte with whipcream from Starbucks, I am missing home. I may go back home to the reservation to visit the family and get back to my roots to remind myself of where I come from and figure out the next step in my life. No wonder why my ancestors chose this land to settle down in out of a selection composed of all of North and South America.

Saturday Night Drama On The Town

2008-10-20T08:58:00.004-06:00

This is how it all went down.

On Saturday, a friend invited me to accompany her to a coworker's birthday party. Not knowing what was on the agenda, I willingly accept. I get picked up around 8 pm and learn that our destination is a restaurant/club in a Native American casino. So we drive about 15 minutes to get there.

By this time, I'm feeling good and looking good. ;) We stroll on into "Club Fusion." My first impressions of the place were positive. We are greeted by the maître d' who reunites my friend with the birthday girl. We all sit down, order our drinks and a nacho appetizer. By this time, I'm having a good time mingling with others and witnessing the traditional bearing of gifts ritual. This is where it gets interesting.

A lady walks up to our table and says, "For future reference, if you're gonna sit here at these tables, you're gonna have to order off the dinner menu. You can't just order appetizers and drinks. They serve appetizers at the bar." You would think at this time, she would say "Thank you and enjoy your evening." No, she rambles on for about 5 minutes trying to get her point across to us. I don't know if I was just me, but could feel her animosity towards us right off the back. I was thinking the whole time, "Why are you still here lecturing us. We never been here before." I'm pretty sure one of the people in our party in fact informed her that we never been there before. I look around the restaurant, it's probably 1/4 full and there are a good number of empty tables. I would understand if the place was busy and there was a line of people waiting for tables. Anyways, by this time the manager was still talking to us while we were sitting there taking it, listening, and not saying anything. I was getting annoyed by this lady. So the husband of the birthday girl finally speaks up and tries to tell her that we understand and they kind of get into a heated discussion. So we are all sitting there witnessing the exchange of words between them.

About halfway into their discussion, she says "You guys are off the street and low-class." :O I was like, "Is this lady serious?!?!" How can she stereotype us like that. I think she wasn't looking at our attire or us as people but rather as a group of uncultured savage Indians. By the way, the lady was white. She kept asking us if we were guests at the resort. What the hell does that have to do with sitting at a table or eating at this restaurant? A customer is a customer. If they considered people who were staying at the resort so important, why don't they have a special section in the restaurant to accompany them. I mean this lady probably has a degree in Restaurant Tourism and Management or NOT, but a manager shouldn't lose her cool like that and there is no need to say something like that. We did not call her derogatory names. I was personally appalled. I could see her face turn red and she looks at me cuz I stand up to go to the restroom. And we make eye contact and I just give her a little smirk. She leaves and gets security which is composed of a lonely Native American woman. We are escorted out of the restaurant and I can see her talking to another guy about how rude we were and all types of accussations. Meanwhile, the lady security guard tells us she's sorry for escorting us out. I knew she felt awkward escorting other Native Americans out. What a great start to a night on the town. To be discriminated against in a public place. Let alone a Native American casino when we ourselves were all Native Americans except for this one guy. But still!

To feel so helpless in a situation is not a good feeling. I consider myself an intelligent person. I just recently completed Graduate School with a Masters in Computer Science. And for her to judge me solely on my appearance or more specifically skin color. I just pissed me off.

Anyways, we moved the party to another location and we brushed this off and didn't let it ruin our night. I had fun despite this speedbump. So the only way I know of how to deal with this situation is to file a complaint. We'll see how that goes. I know our tribe has a special department which deals with racism on our reservation. I don't know if this tribe has something similar to it.

Another Friday and Reminscing on past blogs

2008-10-17T09:34:00.006-06:00

Yeah, I know. Another before and after pic. Haha. But I created this blog so I can keep track of my weightloss and also to just blog in general. FYI. I weigh in every Friday so I post my progress every Friday as a result. So down to business.

I lost another 2 lbs this week. I'm down to 216 lbs. Yesterday, I was checking out my previous blogs starting with the first one I posted on May 30, 2008 in which I weighed in at 250 lbs. The picture above is the pic I posted on that day. I felt so good that day about how I looked but it's funny because when I look back now I don't see what I saw back then. Geez. 34 lbs in 4 months. So I need 36 lbs to go, so if I keep losing weight at this rate, I should be there in 4 months. I like numbers and logic which is why I chose Computer Science as a major. So in January 2009, I will reach this goal which I started in May 2007. What a way to start off the new year! Hopefully, Obama will be our president by this time. ;) But I don't wanna go into politics right now.

This week was great except for this weekend when I splurged on my free day. But like always, Jillian offered some invaluable advice in her daily newsletters which I subscribe to. Here is what she had to say.

"Here are several of the most common causes of overeating. I want you to write down in your diary or journal all the excuses that are familiar to you.

1. EMOTION
Do you overeat as a coping mechanism, to numb suffering, allay fears, combat loneliness, and so on?
2. REWARD
Do you eat to reward yourself whenever you've done a good job on something?
3. SEEKING ACCEPTANCE
Do you overeat because you're seeking social acceptance? Do you eat fattening foods at parties in order not to offend the host? If you're out with friends, do you feel the need to have a drink just to fit in?

Those are just a few of the common causes of emotional overeating. What other situations have derailed your success?"

I suffer from number 2. I do reward myself with food. My thinking is that since I worked so hard during the week, I deserve ice cream or pizza. This is all well and good but not to an extreme. Why not reward myself in other ways like buying new clothes, shoes, or a dvd. So that's what I'm gonna do from now on. Don't get me wrong, I can't give up my asian cuisine which includes mongolian beef, fried rice, vietnamese vermecelli bowls, and sushi. Mmmmm.

Number 3 was a big part of my tailgate weekend escapade cuz my friends were giving me a hard time saying I eat nothing but tofu. That is ridiculous cuz I don't eat tofu. So I derailed just to fit in. You would think peer pressure would be over and done with at this age in my life. I guess not. But I bounced back and am feeling as indescructable as ever on this Friday morning.

Style and the Like

2008-10-15T08:42:00.006-06:00

Project Runway? I know right. I'm kind of embarassed to admit that I really got into this show. It all started a couple of months ago. Since I've been losing weight, changing my wardrobe like every month or so, and raking in the cash from my new job. I thought it was time I added some style to my persona. So my thinking was, if I watch shows on the fashion channel, some style is bound to rub off on me. Now that I think of it, the show is all about women's fashion. Haha. Wait ... Anyways, the finale is tonight and I just wanna know who is going to win. I was lost in the beginning but I'm beginning to understand at least some basics and how fashion works. Well at least from a distant point of view.

I have been dressing with some improvement I guess and noticed people responding. Before I was just another guy but now people actually make small talk with me in the elevator. And the salesperson at the clothes store actually comes up to me and asks if I need help. When I was bigger and just another Joe, it would take a miracle for a salesperson to come up to me and offer help. I guess appearance does have some say in this society I live in. I gotta admit that it gives me cheap thrills when I'm waiting for something and another person performs the ritual up and down look checking out what you got to on. Haha. This is the tip of the iceberg and I need more to learn. I just need a sponsor though to conduct more research. Cuz it is eating into my $$. ;) BUT I am still lost in it all. Wish I had a personal wardrobe consultant or better yet a jedi master of style and I the pattawan apprentice.

Yet Another Friday

2008-10-10T10:49:00.003-06:00

Another 2 lbs. I'm down to 217 right now. 37 more lbs to go. The holidays are just around the corner and already my sisters are on the ball by organizing the parties. I'm always lost on buying gifts. The above pic is of my progress to date. Not the best picture of myself, but at least it's somethin'. Ever see yourself in the mirror and for a split second think, "Is that me? Who is that person looking back at me?" I find myself in this situation more often. I hope to be in peak physical condition by my birthday in March 2009. Hopefully by then I'll be able to catch a fish without a hook. ;) Independence is my word of the day. It can be translated into so many things on different levels.

Random Tuesday Morning Thoughts

2008-10-07T08:40:00.005-06:00

I was jamming out to Damian Marley's song, "More Justice" off his Halfway Tree album and as I was driving through the vortex of hell to get onto the freeway, I scramble around for my iPhone to take a picture. It's hard to take pics on the freeway. FYI. And also, the iPhone's camera sucks and is hard to use. It's stupid now that I think of it. I could've caused an accident or something. But seeing the colorful array of countless balloons in the sky is medicinal in that it calmed me down and brought joy to my life for just a second. I don't know what it is but I smiled and merged into I-40 and made it to work weaving through morning traffic like a pro.

I am beginning to feel the bitter chilly breeze when leaving my house for the gym at 5 am in the morning. Winter is creeping up and I need to transition my attire like animals which grow in their winter coats. I like winter. The bitter cold is something which I enjoy for some odd reason. But it will be a challenge to workout regularly in this type of weather. Only a blizzard can keep me from working out cuz I'm like less than half a year away from my goal!

In the morning and after work, I've been thinking of that Superman IV scene where he faces off on the moon with Nuclear Man. Superman is defeated and pounded into the moon's surface. The reason I think of this scene is because the skyscrapers cast huge shadows here at my work when I arrive and leave the workplace. So it's cold, but there are certain sections of my route to the parking garage in which the sun shines and as you walk in the sun the temperature is noticeably warmer. Anyways, I just think of how Superman is powered by the sun. Solar powered I guess. I want to be Superman one Halloween. Maybe next year cuz I'll be in shape to pull off the whole tight spandex costume. ;)

Can't Have It All

2008-10-01T08:28:00.001-06:00

I wanna go to this this weekend but can't cuz I gotta make up my hours.

Back On The Wagon

2008-09-30T08:30:00.002-06:00

Too much beer, too much fun, too much spent money. That's all I gotta say about this weekend. I was bummed out cuz I totally fell off the wagon and didn't hold back on my eating habits. It's been a long long while since I've ate fried chicken or a hamburger and fries. Wow. I really surprised myself but I made all these bad decisions while I was under the influence. The only thing I really hate is the hangover. Anyways, today I went back to the gym and my body was telling me, "Oh hell no," while my brain was saying, "Oh yes you can, you've come all this way to not continue your journey." So I sucked it up and underwent the pain and really pushed myself. What a workout. I feel 10 times better today. I'm a subscriber to Jillian Michael's daily e-mails and sometimes that girl is right on the money like she was today. That's exactly what I needed to hear or read in this case.

"Getting Back on the Wagon
It happens — you miss a few workouts and you feel like your weight-loss plan is totally derailed. It's tempting to mentally slap yourself around, right? Before you start, I want you to remind yourself of something. Being hard on yourself is the Old You.

The New You knows how to deal with setbacks and get back on the wagon. And after all, there are no mistakes, just learning experiences. Weight loss is a process — it takes time. You will encounter small failures — everyone does — but every pound you gain can be lost.

And if you miss a workout, it's not the end of the world! Get to the gym the next day and continue to focus on your short-term goals. Just because you made bad choices today doesn't mean you can't start over tomorrow. New day? New beginning. And don't you forget it."

She knows what's going on. Plus I don't see myself going tailgating anymore this year. I need to recooperate and plus I'm so close to my goal. I really wanna be there by the end of the year or at least below 200 lbs. I can visualize it. I dream about it. I want it!

Busy

2008-09-26T08:42:00.003-06:00

Time as of late has been flying by quickly. I'm so busy here at work. Well today I'm kind of taking it easy cuz I'm only working half a day. The project I'm working on is so educational and I'm gaining a lot of experience with Flex, Cairngorm, BlazeDS, Java, and JMS. Geeky I know. And this week I weighed in at, *Drum Roll Please* 217.5 lbs. Wow. I have never been below 220. So now I am "Overweight" and not "Obese." Feels good. I need to update my pictures with my current one. Life is awesome the only thing I need trouble with is my finances.

Are you ready for some football?!?! This weekend I'm gonna be going to Cruces with some colleagues to tailgate for the game against our rival the University of New Mexico Lobos. We are gonna definately win. So I'll be here tomorrow night. The New Mexico State Aggie Memorial Stadium. Go AGGIES!!!

Last but not least I'm up to jogging 2 miles. Quite an accomplishment for me. This past Monday I felt like Forest Gump. You know, the part where he's sitting on the porch, stands up and starts running. Haha. I felt like the energizer bunny. I need some new running shoes.

Unknowing and Unpredictable

2008-09-15T10:20:00.002-06:00

My life has been the same routine for a couple of weeks now but this weekend was definately a breath of fresh air. I have a friend who is seeing this guy online and they met for the first time in person. I'm lucky they came to rescue me here in Albuquerque toward the end of their week long vacation.

So we drive to Santa Fe where a former roommate in college hooked us up with a room there. Very nice hotel. Santa Fe is very different from Albuquerque in that everybody walks around and its very quiet. So we go out for a few drinks and have an awesome time. The next morning, I wake up and decide to travel with them down to El Paso, so I book my return flight online using a Spanish computer. The keyboard is wierd. Typing characters is a challenge within itself.

The drive down to El Paso was long, 4 hours. We stop in Cruces to buy some clubbin' outfits. I gotta tell you that it feels good to fit into shirts I want to wear and I also went down a jean size. Awesome. So we go out and I get a few looks from some people. But I guess I'm used to being unnoticed so I miss out on these opportunities. But at least this puts into perspective what's out there. But where do I find what I'm looking for? Then it hit me, why am I looking for that someone hundreds of miles away in a club no less and whom I'll probably never see again. IDK.

I guess for now I'll continue working on bettering myself and I'm confident that special someone will find me. Will I be truly happy in 4-5 months when I reach my weight loss goal or is that only part of my problem?

I didn't weigh in on Friday so I don't know what my weightloss was this past week. I hate not knowing my progress and not knowing my direction. I can't wait to workout tomorrow. The only downside of the whole trip is that I lost my cell phone. I feel lost without it too. Hopefully, I'll be reconnected to the world on Friday. I'm planning on moving to AT&T for the iPhone.

Feeling Good

2008-09-05T12:03:00.005-06:00

I'm down to 223.1 lbs. I weighed in this morning at the gym and am feeling good today. Three more pounds and I'll be in the "overweight" category. Some other things to look forward to is shopping for new clothes, glasses, meeting new people, wearing a jacket, feeling more self-confident, and working out. Haha. I know. I know. This is what my life has become. I'm almost up to 1.75 miles jogging. I can't wait to be up to 2 miles. Crazy how far I've come. Life is good cuz I'm molding it into what I want it to be. Now all I need is someone special as a cherry on top of this sundae-like existence of mine.

Labor Day Weekend Notes

2008-09-04T12:10:00.012-06:00

Home sweet home. The rez. Even though I come from a place some people call a desert, it is only minutes away from the mountains where you can retreat and relax to go hiking or fishing.

This labor weekend I went fishing but didn't catch anything. Rainbow Trout is what we're after. I went with my dad, mom, sister, nieces, and a couple of uncles. I wanted to leave early to take some scenic pics but that didn't happen. I almost ran over a porcupine driving back across the mountains in the dark. I did see a deer on the way over though. Every time I see a deer in the wild, it gives me a deep appreciation of nature.

It's funny how things change every time I return. Like now the road over the mountain is paved so it takes minutes to get across instead of an hour driving on the dirt road. The only drawback is that you don't really enjoy the scenery as much since your blazing around the curves to get to your destination faster. Plus there is more traffic and you see more "outsiders" traveling on the road. There is nothing wrong with it, it's just an observation. By outsider, I mean a non-Navajo.

Alcoholism has gotten worst in my little town. It's sad to see your own people struggling with this epidemic. I went to City Market, the local grocery store, in the morning and as I walking to my ride in the parking lot with Spam in hand, this older lady asked me if I could check if there is a weed under her car. Only on the rez would someone ask you this. So I crawled under her car and removed this small tumble weed. She thanked me and I was on my way.

I saw this sign I wanted to take a picture of too. Someone crossed out "Cows" in the "Cows Crossing" sign and put "Bigfeet" crossing. Haha. I don't know if Bigfeet is plural for Bigfoot.

My uncles were being funny. They were making side comments about my dad cuz he always catches the most and biggest fish. Everytime my dad would disappear to go do something, they would say, "Ryan. Your dad is probably blessing his fishing pole back there. That's why he catches so many fish." Haha. And my dad caught a fish but it had red eyes so he threw it back. Then my uncles yells, "Ryan. See, your dad is giving back an offering so he'll be blessed with more fish." Haha. Gotta love the relatives and family.

I don't know if ya'll will get this joke but my uncle said people who can't pronounce Lukachukai (Navajo Pronunciation: Lókʼaaʼchʼégai) say "Lucky Chucky." So he said if you can't pronounce that word right then you're not Navajo. Haha. Luckily, that is one of the words in Navajo which I can pronounce.

It's always nice to get away from the 8-5 job in the city to relax and not worry about anything.

My aunt said the corn is nearly ready so I should come back to help make the steam corn by steaming it underground like in the old days. I also hope they make some kneel-down bread. That is my favorite snack during harvest. It's basically ground up corn wrapped in corn husk and baked in an oven. So good! People add in their own variations like green chile, cheese, or meat. If I remember, I'll take a pic of one.

And last but not least, the annual fair is around the corner and the theme is . . . wait for it . . . wait for it, "Navajo Women - Our Strength, Our Endurance."

Definition of a 'Hater'

2008-09-03T13:52:00.010-06:00

I got an e-mail from a friend today and in it was some literature from Maya Angelou. I just thought I'd post it. I know everybody gets hated on once in a while.

Definition of a 'Hater'

A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends all their time trying to make you look small so they can look tall. They are very negative people to say the least. Nothing is ever good enough! When you make your mark, you will always attract some haters… That’s why you have to be careful with whom you share your blessings and your dreams, because some folk can’t handle seeing you blessed…

It’s dangerous to be like somebody else…

If God wanted you to be like somebody else, He would have given you what He gave them! Right? You never know what people have gone through to get what they have.

The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they don’t know my story… If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, you can rest assured that the water bill is higher there too!

We’ve all got some haters among us! People envy you because you can:

Have a relationship with God
Light up a room when you walk in
Start your own business
Tell a man / woman to hit the curb (if he / she isn’t about the right thing)
Raise your children without both parents being in the home

Haters can’t stand to see you happy, Haters will never want to see you succeed, Haters never want you to get the victory, most of our haters are people who are supposed to be on our side. How do you handle your undercover haters?

You can handle these haters by:

1. Knowing who you are & who your true friends are *(VERY IMPORTANT!!)
2. Having a purpose to your life? Purpose does not mean having a job.
You can have a job and still be unfulfilled. A purpose is having
a clear sense of what God has called you to be. Your purpose is not
defined by what others think about you.
3. By remembering what you have is by divine prerogative and not
human manipulation. Fulfill your dreams!

You only have one life to live…when it’s your time to leave this earth, you ‘want’ to be able to say, ‘I’ve lived my life and fulfilled ‘my’ dreams,… Now I’m ready to go HOME! When God gives you favor, you can tell your haters, Don’t look at me… Look at Who is in charge of me…’

Maya Angelou

Now is Right On Time

2008-08-27T10:05:00.001-06:00

"Your journey has molded you for your greater good, and it was exactly what it needed to be. Don't think that you've lost time. There is no short-cutting to life. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now. And now is right on time."

- Asha Tyson

8 Weeks Gone Bye Bye

2008-08-22T08:47:00.007-06:00

I signed up for this website in which you post a profile within a community to track your weight loss 8 weeks ago. It's available through the Men's Magazine website called the Belly Off Club. So I started this program and it's been really successful and helpful. You're able to see other people's progress as well as receive encouragement from others who are in the same situation. People trying to improve themselves both emotionally and physically through weight loss. I don't think it has truly sunk in how much I have come so far. But anyways, here is a chart of my progress within the past 8 weeks.

Next week, I'm starting the second round of the 8 week program. Hopefully by then I'll be close 200 lbs. So far I've lost a total of around 110 lbs. I just need 46 more lbs to go to be at my goal.

On a side note, how do you export a chart in Excel 2007 to a jpg? There has to be an easier way than printing the screen and croping that image.

I'm heading back home this weekend to the rez so I'll take some pics of my grandma's farm. I heard everything is growing big and ready to be harvested. I enjoyed this summer more than I did last year. I can't wait for fall. Mmmm. I hope they're selling some kneel down bread. Personally, I'm a winter person.

Oh yeah. Here is a pic of my before and after shot of the 8 week progress.

I can't wait to buy clothes which I want to wear that fit properly. Fall is just around the corner and I need some advice on how to improve my style. I've noticed the guys here at my work dress casual to business casual. Believe it or not, I'm like the 3rd oldest here and have some competition with the youngsters here. They probably don't look at it that way, but I wanna look good too.

Who likes Mondays?

2008-08-18T09:59:00.004-06:00

Today is a good day. I was hired as a full time employee last week where I was working for the summer. Awesome. On Friday, I weighed in @ 227.1. I added this abs class where they use bosu balls and it's challenging and I'm definately going back. I'm slowly inching toward my goal. I gotta say though, I wanna get there now. Just in case you don't know what a bosu ball is. Here is a pic of one.

My hair is growing also. With all the things going on in my life, I've come to realization that all things take time and you can't expect results instantaneously. Time is always against you. If you do the hard work and have a little patience then things will fall into place. I guess here in America we want things done right then and there.

Here is a pic of how the hair currently looks.

In month or two, I'm gonna be celebrating my progress so far. I can't wait. Other than that, the vegetables and fruits growing on my grandma's farm are getting big. I wanna take a trip out there to see how much they have grown. I found my camera and am ready to take some pictures. Alright, I gotta get back to work. Until next time. There has to be a formula to relate work, progress and results together.

Another Week Gone and Past

2008-08-11T09:27:00.004-06:00

This weekend my sister and her daughter were in town so it was a fun filled weekend. We hung out and watched the Pineapple Express. It's kind of like Dazed and Confused but updated. I liked it. But Saturday night was awesome. I saw a live jazz concert at the Albuquerque Museum. I think it was a local band as part of a summer concert series here in town. I gotta admit that seeing these locals perform and improvise their solos made me miss playing in a band. I used to play trombone back in high school. Jazz band was probably one of the classes I looked forward to. So the night kind of rekindled my passion for expressing music in a way. I guess the question now is how do I join a band and where to buy a trombone. I don't know if this will really become reality though.

This past week, I lost 0.5 lbs. I'm tired of getting down on myself for not losing as much as I would like. But losing a little or a lot of weight is still getting me toward my goal. So I'm down to 230.4. I don't think I have ever been below 220 in my adult life. The undiscovered territory for me I guess. My weight is taking a step like approach in decreasing. This week, my weight will probably make a jump down to 236. I guess I'm heading down the stairs of weightloss toward my ultimate goal. On the bright side, I'm up to 1.5 miles jogging. Just think. A year ago, I couldn't even run one lap. I also added a 15 minute abdominal workout class this morning and will incorporate it into my routine this week. Alright, back to work.

Random Quote by William Saroyan.

2008-08-05T08:30:00.003-06:00

I saw this posted on a bulletin and just got me thinking. I thought I'd post it on here. And plus we got the same first name.

"In the time of your life, live — so that in good time there shall be no ugliness or death for yourself or for any life your life touches. Seek goodness everywhere, and when it is found, bring it out of its hiding-place and let it be free and unashamed. Place in matter and in flesh the least of the values, for these are things that hold death and must pass away. Discover in all things that which shines and is beyond corruption. Encourage virtue in whatever heart it may have been driven into secrecy and sorrow by the shame and terror of the world. Ignore the obvious, for it is unworthy of the clear eye and the kindly heart. Be the inferior of no man, nor of any man be the superior. Remember that every man is a variation of yourself. No man's guilt is not yours, nor is any man's innocence a thing apart. Despise evil and ungodliness, but not men of ungodliness or evil. These, understand. Have no shame in being kindly and gentle, but if the time comes in the time of your life to kill, kill and have no regret. In the time of your life, live — so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but shall smile to the infinite delight and mystery of it."

-William Saroyan

The New Do

2008-08-04T09:54:00.005-06:00

With all these changes, I've decided to also grow out my hair. But I gotta say that it is hard for me cuz I always have my hair short and buzz cut. Here is how my hair looks today. I need more sleep too.

Haha. I just find it funny how my pics looks. The last time I cut my hair was before my sister got married. That's about a month of not hearing the sound of scissors and clippers. The sides are the most troublesome cuz they stick out sideways. But oh well. I probably need another couple months of growing it out to get the style I'm going after. My friends think I won't survive cuz they think I'll cut it. Any takers on betting against me too?

All Is Well

2008-08-01T14:35:00.004-06:00

Today is the first day of a new month. I once again did my weekly weigh-in and lost 3 lbs this week. Currently, I am at 230.9. I'll say it again, I wanna be done with the 230s and move into the 220s. Next week. Next week. I ate at the Asian Noodle Bar for lunch with some co-workers. Delicious. No news as of late except that I'm waiting anxiously to see whether I am hired as a full-time employee for this company I'm working for. If so, then all is well.

Life is getting better with the progression of each day. But one thing that I can't quite get over in my list of things to improve on is interacting with people. I need to think of an awesome name for my list of things to improve on. But anyways, talking in general. I find myself in silent, observer mode. I think it's a sickness. Some things that seems so easy is sometimes the hardest thing for some people to do. But one thing that's weird is that with alcohol involved, I'm everybody's friend. ;)

"Eyes On The Prize, Violet, Eyes On The Prize."

2008-07-21T13:52:00.010-06:00

I feel great cuz I finally broke through my plateau or at least my latest one. I weighed in at 235.6 on Friday. Woohoo! I was reading my daily e-mails from Jillian Michaels and today's message was to write down what you want to accomplish. Guess this shows how busy I am here at work today. Here is my list.

I want to reach my weight loss goal of 200 lbs by Halloween.

I want to be a somewhat decent Indiana Jones on Halloween. ;)

I want to learn beginning Spanish.

I want to be able to go swimming without being self-conscious.

I want to be able to run a 5K race by next year.

I want to be more productive at work and earn more money.

I want to look good.

I want to be more affectionate towards family, especially my nieces.

I want to enjoy life.

I want to live life to its fullest.

I want be less in debt.

I want to be true to myself.

I want to leave my morning workouts knowing I gave it my all.

I want to make more friends.

I want to be more sociable and approachable by people.

I want to develop a personal relationship with that special someone.

Well there it is. I hope I will be able to mark off a couple of these. This is supposed to inspire motivation. So in a couple of months, I'll look back at this and see what I posted. I am my own obstacle.

Fishing For Money

2008-07-14T10:57:00.003-06:00

Money is a hard concept for me to learn. I want so many stuff, yet I do not have the funds to support these fantasies. In due time, when I get an awesome job, I will decide on maybe a couple of items on my wish list to buy. Until then, I'm still trying to prove my worth to future employers in this competitive job market. My job search is very synonymous to my fishing experience last week. A few nibbles and no fish.

Weight is another concept which eludes me. I weighed in last Friday at 240.8. Why must the 240s haunt me like this. I didn't lose or gain any weight whatsoever over the past week. 240.8. That's my plateau. I don't understand because I shook things up with the spinning classes. Eh. What am I gonna do about it but work harder. Today I increased my jogging to 1.25 miles. Whoa! I know. And I guess I could increase my walking pace by 0.1. But like Smokey said to Craig in Friday, "You gotta crawl before you walk." Maybe next week, I will try that.

I don't know about other people, but I would prefer to be insanely busy than being totally bored. Especially at work. Even if it is a temporary position.

Busy Week

2008-07-08T08:11:00.004-06:00

The fourth of July was great. I went fishing with my family and niece. Unfortunately, I didn't catch anything. I had some nibbles but no luck. My mom said it's because I'm not going there with the right mentality because in Navajo culture your supposed to pray for fish. Then you will catch it. Below is a pic of me at the lake. I can notice some small differences from the last picture. Guess that means I'm making progress. I once again went to the spinning class this morning. I'm planning on going on Thursday again. All is well. Oh yeah, running is becoming easier and I may increase my distance next week. I'm surprised. Oh and about my books, it seems that I have to order them online because the book stores around here don't carry them.

Third of July

2008-07-03T12:43:00.003-06:00

Today is a good day. I'm going home for the Fourth of July to go fishing. It's gonna be fun. I need to buy myself a fishing pole though and also buy some ingrediants for the cookout. I'm gonna try to cook something healthy and tasteful for everybody. So that way I won't feel so guilty about eating so much. :D I had sushi for lunch and it was GOOD! Mmmm.

As for my progress in weight loss, I weighed in this morning at 240.8 lbs. I hope I keep progressing like this. For the first time, I participated in the cycling class. It was fun and I will definately work it into my routine next week. As of late, I have been looking forward to going to the gym. I'm so ready to reach my ultimate goal. Well have a good 4th of July weekend.

Random Thoughts

2008-06-27T10:25:00.002-06:00

I weighed myself this morning and I'm at 243.8. I'm wondering if I'm reaching what some people call a plateau. Or maybe it's because I'm gaining muscle from lifting weights. Who knows. Next week, I'm planning on joining the cycling class in the morning and see if that will shock my metabolism. We'll see. ;) But I'm glad I lost another 5 lbs. So far so good. Right now, I can't wait to see my sister get married tomorrow.

A Personal Revolution

2008-06-26T14:16:00.001-06:00

Far too long have I been at rest.
Long enough have I remained motionless.

There is an urge deep within me
Wanting to breathe in the air of existence.

Time does not commiserate with my situation.
The sun still rises from the east and sets in the west.

I am lost in this abyss of hopelessness.

My dreams are a distant memory.

I see the world through translucent eyes.

Change is not part of my vocabulary.
Change is an unknown concept.

I believe change is unreachable . . .

I used to believe change was unreachable.

With the first diminutive gasp of life
Came an overwhelming flood of sensation.

This newfound feeling created a spark
Igniting a consciousness for self-improvement.

With each observance of the sun’s daily ritual
Came opportunities.

My dreams transitioned into goals.

Time is no longer my enemy but an ally.

I can nearly grasp and feel happiness.
It’s only a matter of time.

Immobility is not part of my vocabulary.
Immobility is an unknown concept.

I believe change is possible.

Weekend Trip

2008-06-20T09:04:00.005-06:00

This past weekend, I went home for Father's day and got a chance to visit my grandma's farm out in Tse' Di' Jol, AZ. I drove my grandma, aunt, and uncle. It was a fun drive. I also took a picture on the way back of myself. I posted it below. I also have other pictures, which can be seen at this site.

I have been going to the gym regularly but the thing I've been tripping on lately is all the good food when I go back home to my parent's house. My sister is getting married next weekend which I'm excited about. Any suggestions for a wedding present from an older brother? Well, I gotta get back to work. I think 4 lbs in two weeks isn't bad. At least it's progress. ;) And last but not least, I've been working on a poem which I'll post next time. I just recently started reading "The Last Samurai." Any suggestions on good books to read? I'm out.

Friday Friday

2008-06-06T08:58:00.001-06:00

Well today is Friday. And I weighed in at 247.9. That's awesome. Slowly but surely and for sure this turtle is gonna win the race. Work is going good. And I may have an opportunity to stay at my current position. But we'll see. I can't wait for the weekend.

Morning Thoughts

2008-06-05T08:19:00.002-06:00

I was reading some news articles this morning and came across an article of a 10 year old boy who is in college. His name is Moshe Kai Cavalin. Cool name by the way. But anyways, it was what he said at the end of the interview which caught my attention. He was asked why he enjoys learning so much when kids his age find books boring. He said, “King Solomon said that knowledge is more important than silver or gold, and I add that knowledge is like a big brother helping you until the end of your life.” And believe me, my big brother is always helping me when I'm in trouble. But this quote inspires me to be more intellectual myself. I have just finished graduate school, but there is still more to learn. It makes me wanna be a better person. So today, my first goal is to be more productive at work. I need to focus and learn the new skills which will enable me to finish this project I'm working on. And maybe dust off that book I've been putting off and finish reading it. Two weekends ago, I went to church with my parents and the sermon was about setting small goals. I'm really trying out this concept and so far it has been working for me. Oh yeah, my computer is awesome! I can't wait to get home tonight and play around with it. I also went to the gym this morning and it was awesome. I feel good today.

Reception Weekend

2008-06-03T16:29:00.005-06:00

My reception was this weekend and it was enjoyable. I got to hang out with my family. There was a lot of good food and conversation. My grandma actually attended which was a big surprise for me. Brisket, potato salad, hamburgers, hot dogs, watergate salad, salad, and mashed potatoes was on the menu. I also filled a pinata with candy for the little ones. It was a nice day which wasn't windy or rainy. Beautiful is all I gotta say. Here is a pic of my sisters and I.

Currently, I am looking for a permanent job. I had an interview yesterday which went okay. I think I should've been more enthusiastic and could have elaborated on the questions being asked. But all in all I feel good. I'm looking forward to going to the gym tomorrow morning and working out. I will post again next week. And my computer is also coming in tomorrow. ;)

And i almost forgot. I wanted to keep track of my weight progress on here, so as of Monday. I weighed in at 250. I wanna get down to 190 by Thanksgiving if possible. It's doable.

New Beginnings

2008-05-30T13:26:00.006-06:00

It has been a year and a half since I last posted. A lot has happened since then.

First of all, I am most proud of myself losing weight and living a more healthy lifestyle. The turning point for me was looking at pictures taken at my friend's graduation party. I did not like what I saw and knew it was time to make a change. I started off slow by walking a couple of times a week. Gradually I added more distance. During the fall semester of 2007, I changed my eating habits by cutting out fast food hamburgers, fries and soda. I also started jogging one lap around the track. The Biggest Loser show on NBC was a great inspiration and offered me some tips.

I knew exercising was not enough so I changed my eating habits as well. I wasn't eating correctly and within these past six months I have really made some progress. I incorporated more vegetables and fruits into my diet as well as a more hearty breakfast. I also joined a gym and started weight lifting and increasing my jogging sessions to one mile. All I gotta say is that I feel good. My goal as of now is to reach my ideal weight by Thanksgiving or Christmas. I have lost about 90 lbs so far. And I can see my goal in sight which is about 60 more lbs.

Here is a picture of me in 2006 which was on my blog and also a picture I took today of myself in my office.

I went to the midnight showing of Sex In The City this morning, which is why I look so tired. I am tired. Haha. But it was definately worth it. The movie was awesome.

Secondly, I graduated from graduate school earlier this month. I'm surprised I made it but I'm glad I kept with it. I think its a great accomplishment. For myself, anyways. The whole entire experience went by so fast.

So where am I now? I'm working for the same company temporarily and looking for a more permanent job. I really wanna move out of New Mexico and experience the world outside this part of the country. So if ya'll know of any openings in software engineering. Holla. Haha. My reception is also this weekend so maybe I'll post a pic of the celebration. Maybe. My nieces are awesome and I bought them a pinata so they can whack at it on Saturday. All I gotta say is that I can't wait to eat some brisket, frybread, blue mush, corn, potato salad, and all other kinds of food.